I Recognize Those Fingerprints

At the Neshoba County Fair last week a Democratic operative, sitting 2 seats from the Speekah himself, heckled the governor. When I read about it on YP, I knew whose lame idea this was.

In 'power' once again, it's the Golden Boy himself.

If you'll remember, back at Jacinto in 2003, Mr. Franks took it upon himself to heckle his opponent, Jeremy Martin, as he spoke. Of course, being as detail-oriented guy, he failed to notice that the entire thing was videotaped. All class, that Jamie Franks.

Its going to be a wonderful four years, constant readers. All those fine things that he did back in the hill country, all those dirty tricks...now the entire state gets to see how a friend of the workin' man takes care of his business. I can tell you this: There are a lot of Democrats who privately wish that he would just go away. They know he's a reckless, loose cannon with questionable allegiances.

Thanks so much for being good little boys and girls and going along with Uncle Billy.

We Report, You Laugh Hysterically

I know this morning there was lots of crying from the Franks people.

--Us here at the Tank, last night, upon reading the CL's endorsement of Phil Bryant

The best parody is self-parody. When I predicted weeping and nashing of teeth from the Franks people, I thought that they'd at least do it in private, and not dare the state's preeminent political journalist (change your adult diaper, Minor-I'm not talking about you) to publish a critical, rambling, whiny letter in his blog. Yet today, we find that they didn't take it near as well as I thought they might. See Sid Salter's blog entry today:

http://www.clarionledger.com/misc/blogs/ssalter/sidblog.html

We've said for a long time the Franks campaign was in trouble. The main problem with the Franks camp, in my mind, has always been Mr. Franks; but apparently the whole darn group of them is outside of their minds when it comes to critical press coverage, which they've had so very little of during the campaign. If there was any way that the Clarion Ledger could justify endorsement of a Democrat, they'd do it. The problem was that the more Mr. Franks opened his mouth ("Crime is not a real issue," "My clients weren't guilty," "I can't recall that case," "I don't know anything about that," "He won't debate me," "Queers," "Whip your ass," etc) the less people liked him.

It's apparent the candidate surrounded himself with a bunch of people who thought the same way that he does: That power can be achieved through bullying, harrassment, and ruthlessness. The letter Sid published in his blog today reflects that perfectly. We've seen that here on this blog, as well:

Allow me, if I may be so bold, as to impart to you a tale of rancid putrid desperation at its finest. This is a story, not about Mr. Franks, but about a man obsessed with him—the chronicle of *REDACTED*—an effete *REDACTED* driven to madness by his hatred for Mr. Franks.My point is this, *REDACTED*: If a you have such loathing in your heart for one man (Mr. Franks), and such a yearning deep in your loins for another (Jeremy Martin)—should you be allowed to continue *REDACTED* of our fine state?

And if you missed that, what about this:

...your utter cowardice when asked to account for your own identity, let alone whatever might be wrong with it...If you’re so ashamed of the man you’ve become that you can’t even handle signing your work, a skill that even most kindergarteners seem to have mastered, then clearly your problems extend far beyond any threat I could make....Please do me a favor and call him up on his cell phone (REDACTED) or at REDACTED (REDACTED), call up REDACTED

So this isn't something new, Sid. This is something that's been going on for some time and is probably not going to change anytime soon. I'm glad to have company amongst those who have been harrassed, libeled, cussed and cajoled by the Franks people. You join me, Jeremy Martin, JT and Dave, Paul Gallo, Mark DuVall, Donnie Epps, and countless others. We'll invite you to the club meeting sometime. You'll enjoy it.

On The Media Front

Last week Charlie Mitchell of the Vicksburg Post wrote that three candidates had 'indefensible acts' on their records. Two regarded charges of personal corruption or incompetence-which are surely indefensible. The third was vetoing a financially risky bill.

Sorry, Charlie, but one of those isn't a great moral crisis. When your ad valorem bill comes in, you won't think it so indefensible.

Of course, Charlie doesn't mention another morally indefensible act, one that we've talked about a lot over here. Oh, well. I guess it'll be talked about Tuesday.

A Parody

No, not one that we've done here, but the Franks campaign as we wind it down. Seriously, the dirtiest of the dirty campaigners complaining about dirty campaigning? What's next, the mob complaining that too many of their guys are getting their legs broken and dropped off bridges with cement shoes on?

If you don't want people to talk about your defending drug dealers...well, don't defend them. Or tell them to plead not guilty. Pretty simple.

And all the 'first day of the legislature' claims? Too much. I couldn't have come up with better myself. Heck, why don't you just go ahead and tell 'em you want to impeach Barbour-because we know that's the ultimate goal.

And to top it all off, the 'defender of our culture and heritage' went to Greenwood and telling the same group that Jim Hood basically told to commit voter fraud that your opponent is scared. My question is, why are you having to tell folks who are predisposed to vote for you that the opposition is scared? I'm sure the real fear is those same folks won't show for a couple of monochromatic trial lawyers-one of whom made it a point in 2003 to talk about how he defended the state flag. Of course, he also made a point to refer to his last two opponents as a 'kid' and a 'queer.'

It is hard, when you've built an image as a street fighting tough guy, to cry foul when the other guy hits back. Maybe he's not so tough after all.

An English Lesson

See, the English language is complicated. There are billions of English speakers worldwide yet only Chinese is ranked as a harder language to learn by experts. In many languages, there are genders assigned to specific objects (learning them in Spanish is a killer, let me tell you). In English, we use the past, present and future tense for things. You can describe what has happened, what is happening, or what is going to happen. But you can only predict the last one. And when you say, as Mr. Franks did in yesterday's Columbus Commercial Dispatch, that "The people have spoken," and that any veto "will be overridden" you're treading awful close to Ms. Cleo territory. It's in regard to the manufactured Tax Swap Issue, one that, of course, is so poorly thought out and championed mainly by a) newspaper editorial boards, and 2) 'populist yellow dog Democrats' looking for an issue that might drag Haley Barbour down (especially after the Ethics fiasco that blew up in Mr. Franks' partner's face). In fact, the people have not spoken; they will not for another week or so. Naturally, Mr. Franks expresses concern that ad valorem taxes will go up if education is not fully funded. Well, gosh, what exactly is going to take the place of sales taxes for cities if that's cut? Here's another issue: Mississippi is the poorest state in the Union, meaning per capita we have more people who fall under the poverty line than any other state. This means, of course, they pay little to no federal or state taxes. For many-including illegal immigrants-the sales tax is the only tax they pay. It's more fair than income taxes, and I'm sure most people-at least the sane ones, anyway-will agree on that one. He goes on in the Commerical Dispatch to talk about ethics. Once again, that's like getting sex ed taught to you by the Pope. We're talking about a man who's law partner sits on the Ethics commission, who made a shady deal with the AG to get his opponent in the 2003 election arrested, and then claimed to have no knowledge of it, despite claims to the contrary made by him in the Daily Journal when it happened! We're also talking about a man who's promised his support to just about every candidate with a D by their name running for his old seat, and who's claimed that the beef plant was the fault not of he and his cronies, but of the one guy who did something about it! A man who sued schools and businesses he represented in the legislature! Of course, there's the repeated line about not serving a single politician or political party. That's actually half true. Mr. Franks would be serving numerous politicians-Billy McCoy, Steve Holland, Compretta, Percy Watson, Cecil Brown, Gloria Williamson... The best line, though, comes at the end.

They want their candidates to fulfill their dreams; they want their candidates to have the life they never had.

Oh, isn't this rich...just like Mr. Franks! No, Mr. Franks, candidates aren't there to fulfill my dreams. They're in office to spend my money wisely, honestly, and pass laws beneficial to the populace. Besides, my dreams include living in the Keys listening to Jimmy Buffet without a care in the world. Are you gonna make that one happen? And do I want candidates to live the life I never had? Is this you fishing for a raise next year? What is this, lifestyles of the rich and famous? Where's Paris Hilton when you need her? If that means that they'll get rich off of other people's suffering, off of the sweat of their neighbors, and live high on the hog because of it, the answer's a resounding "no" from this quarter. * And by the way, to the young lady who wrote the article on Mr. Franks and his meeting with the CD's editorial board, their is no 'incumbent candidate,' despite what the rube in front of you at the time said.

Hampton, On the AG

David Hampton in his blog today basically tipped the hand of the CL editorial board on the AG's race. If he cheered any harder for Samson, we'd have to UPS him a megaphone. Of course he asked Samson about his pay for play, I mean, fee arrangements with outside counsel, and bit on the 'oh, it's so hard out there for a lawsuit pimp' line that Samson has been feeding editorial boards and opinion writers for weeks now. Yeah, those huge houses and nice cars and trophy wives don't come cheap. I guess working for the state is the new sugar daddy now that tort reform has been passed.

I wonder, though, did he ask him about why he never looked into Ike Brown's shenanigans? About why the killers/kidnappers of two young women in the Tupelo area have never been found or prosecuted, despite 15 and 10 years passing (I can answer that question, and it has a lot to do with Hood's future ambitions to move from one executive branch office to another as to why certain old murders are prosecuted, and others are not)? Was there a question in there regarding the statement that he didn't know if a federal judges' ruling applies in Mississippi? About the Ethics breach earlier in the year? About why he was so out of the loop with the Feds in the Beef Plant investigation, and about why he admitted knowing wrongdoing was going on in Benton County's elections while District Attorney yet doing nothing? About why Shannon Police Chief Bobby Spencer's murder remains unsolved a decade after the fact (I've got a theory or two on that one, as well)? How about the rumors of upcoming indictments of candidates unfriendly to his agenda?

Do I even need to mention the fact that he prosecuted a schoolteacher for campaign finance fraud, yet gave 91 members of the state legislature passes for what amounts to a paperwork mistake? About the state resources that were spent to recoup a $300 civil fine and an amended 24 hour finance report?

Tell me you asked those questions, Dave. Tell me you did. 'Cause otherwise you weren't doing your job.

I Weep for the Candidate

Seriously, Jamie Franks Jr. is crying because Phil Bryant is mean? Jamie Franks Jr. is one of the dirtiest campaigners in this state. He's stolen campaign signs and burned them-just ask his first opponent (the man he once so ironically told people didn't need to be elected because "we don't need another lawyer in Jackson"). He and his cronies have spread vicious rumors about his opponents in other races-just ask Mark Duvall, who was called a homosexual. How about Jeremy Martin, who was blackballed from Lee County schools, called a phony teacher, and ended up in jail? Oh, yeah-Mr. Franks doesn't know anything about that.

I weep for him as he stands on the steps of his church-that's the one that he got his morals from, not the national Democrat or Republican party, mind you-and says Mean ole Phil is going negative. Never mind he swore through one of his schills that he'd never go negative, then threw the first dirt.

And that church? It preaches against alcohol and against gambling. It's where he got his morals from, if you'll remember. Yet the candidate didn't refuse thousands from beer companies and the gaming industry. But I guess they granted him a special exemption or something from his moral obligations on those issues.

Candidates Afraid of Indictment?

Word comes to us from north Mississippi that several candidates opposed to the current regime in the Attorney General's office and his compatriots are afraid that some well-timed indictments will be announced within the next few weeks with the intent of swaying legislative races toward the AG's liking.

Of course the charges will be trumped and there'll be no lasting legal impact, but when's that ever stopped these guys? Heck, this time they're not even waiting for the election to put people in jail.

By the way, let me go ahead and issue this denial for you, semi-anonymous spokesman for the AG's office: "The Attorney General's office has no plans to indict any candidate for office in 2007. The claims are ludicrous, and not based at all in reality but in idle speculation. The Attorney General does not prosecute people for their political affiliation, nor does it avoid action on that basis."

Yeah, where exactly would I get the idea that people who make the mistake of crossing one of Hood's buddies might end up in jail? Who would ever get the idea that Samson plays favorites?

Bryant-Franks, the Debate

From the Franks for Lt. Governor Campaign, For Immediate Release

The rules have been set for the Lt. Governor debate between candidates Rep. Jamie Franks Jr. and State Auditor Phil Bryant. The debate will be held on the planet Vulcan. The format of the debate will be trial-by-combat in the traditional Vulcan manner.



When asked for his response to the format, candidate Franks responded, "I stand for traditional values just like my fellow working men and women. Phil Bryant is a queer and I'll whip his ass."

Bryant responded, "This is stupid. Who came up with these rules?"



Franks spokesman James Hull, when asked about the use of Vulcan rituals for a Lt. Governor's debate in Mississippi, stated, "Those fairies Jeremy Martin and Mark Duvall and Paul Gallo had no concept of it either. We sheathe it with rituals and customs shrouded in antiquity – you humans have no conception. It strips our minds from us; it brings a madness which rips away our veneer of civilization. It is the election–the time of debating... There are precedents in nature... the giant eel-birds of Regulus Five. Once each eleven years, they must return to the caverns where they hatched. On your Earth, the salmon. They must return to that one stream where they were born, to spawn – or die in trying."



To which Bryant responded, "That's gross. You mean he gets off on it?"



Mr. Franks replied, "This proves that he's just a gay blade who's a puppet of the even bigger gay blade, Haley Barbour. I had hoped I would be spared this, but the ancient drives are too strong. Eventually, they catch up with us... and we are driven by forces we cannot control – to return home, and take an office... or die."

Veteran columnist Bill Minor weighed in, noting that the reluctance of Bryant to debate "proved once again that Bryant has no substantive answer to Franks' platform-which is very strong in the areas of education, cigarette taxes, ritual combat, and the ass-whipping of queers, of which he is an expert without peer."



Clarion Ledger editor David Hampton added, "Jamie Franks is a well-funded candidate who hits many of the issues of import to working class Mississippians where Bryant is the weakest-most notably the issue of violent bloodsport."

The debate will occur whenever sissy-boy Phil Bryant stops cowering in fear from his well-deserved ass-whipping.

Just saw Samson's new commercial

And, speaking as someone who wasn't very good in shop class, I can safely say that it's not a good idea to try to weld without your mask on. But you're an experienced craftsman, not me-I'm sure you know better.

I noticed a couple of claims missing, though: "I hand out money to campaign contributors. I work to keep my supporters out of jail. I don't know if federal judges can rule on Mississippi law. I do most of my work in election years. I prosecute schoolteachers."

The Candidate and the Fine People Who Support Him

A (recently) deleted reply to my last posting:

You really nailed it in your title—desperation IS a stinky cologne!

Allow me, if I may be so bold, as to impart to you a tale of rancid putrid desperation at its finest. This is a story, not about Mr. Franks, but about a man obsessed with him—the chronicle of *REDACTED*—an effete *REDACTED* driven to madness by his hatred for Mr. Franks.

My point is this, *REDACTED*: If a you have such loathing in your heart for one man (Mr. Franks), and such a yearning deep in your loins for another (Jeremy Martin)—should you be allowed to continue *REDACTED* of our fine state?

I’ll bet there are a lot of *REDACTED* who would be willing to weigh in on the subject, what do you think, *REDACTED*?

What fine people support this gentleman. Nothing I've said has been refuted. There's not one thing saying I've been wrong about even a comma. No, the first refuge of the truly scared is to try to scare those opposed them into silence-and of course, never using fact, only innuendo and threats.

When they coined the phrase 'politics of personal destruction,' this is exactly what they were talking about. Not shady business deals, not running around with people you aren't married to, but this very thing. Trying to silence a critic, not with an actual fact, mind you, but using the old stage magician's trick of distraction, by threatening some fearful revelation (which exists entirely within their minds) in order to shut the ordinary man up. It's a scare tactic, but guess what? I don't scare easily.

Mr. Franks would do well to ask himself why he and so many of his supporters are fixed upon labeling people 'queers,' though. Sounds like a bad hang up to me. I'd think to suggest that Mr. Franks himself penned the above reply, but I wouldn't go that far-after all, he didn't threaten to whip my ass, did he? And effete is such a big word, too. I bet he'd have to have Steve Holland tell him what it means and how to spell it.

A Christian who's more pious than the pope should denounce this type of attack. But I get the feeling that won't be forthcoming.

Once again, I suggest to Mr. Franks' supporters who come visit my site daily: Stop looking around every corner for who is doing the writing and ask yourselves, "Why is this person writing this-with obviously very little to gain?"

Put a face on it?

Our liberal friends over at yallpolitics.com suggest Franks and Eaves put faces in ads to help their candidacies. We here at the Tank think that's great!

Here's a few faces. Guess the names.























I guess it's different when there's a face to the name, isn't it?

Not Good Enough

I missed Sid Salter's blog entry for a while (outside issues). Sid made some good points (even tying in Ike Brown). But I'm going to say its not enough. If this was a more technologically savvy state it might be enough to inform people of the Jeremy Martin fiasco, in which a good man's name was dragged through the mud in order to 'send a message'-and that message was for the Republicans to not mess with the Golden Boy.

I want Sunday edition. I want front page. Because if Phil Bryant had done something so hideous to another human being, it would have already been splashed across the front pages of every major newspaper in the state. It wouldn't leave, either. There'd be interviews. There'd be news pieces on TV stations. Heck, Bill O'Reilly might put it on his show.

If there ever was a case of 'people vs. the powerful,' this is it. John Edwards might even show us his special Ken Doll feature-crying. If nothing else shows you that the Golden Boy and Samson are unfit to continue to serve the people of Mississippi, this is it.

But hey, let's enjoy another Tax Swap piece while we wait.

Well, You Want Differences?

If you want to know what separates Jamie Franks Jr from Phil Bryant, Sid Salter, you don't have to ask Phil. I've got your one-stop shop of differences.

Jamie Franks Jr is a plaintiff's attorney, one who's made a fortune off of lawsuits, including suing people who operate businesses within sight of his home. I can name off a few, in case you don't know them (I guess you've been a little to busy to call F. G. Wiygul, the superintendent of Itawamba County Schools). I may be wrong but Phil Bryant, who is not a self-styled champion of education, has never sued Fair View Junior High.

You could of course also call the owners of Mooreville One Stop, another lawsuit victim of Mr. Franks. The store operates within sight of his quite-large front yard. There's a friend of the little man if ever there was one.

He can claim to be for tort reform and to have put his name on it; but at the end of the day, he still made the motion to kill the bill before it could come up to a vote. I'm sure one day we'll look back and see it as an inspiration to John Forbes Kerry in 2004.

Nothing says "I support seniors" like suing the Amvets. This is, of course, not an organization made up of Gulf War and Grenada veterans.

I see that with the end of Primary Season, the CL has made the decision to label Mr. Franks a 'small businessman.' I'd sure love to know when he mowed his last lawn-or his own, in fact. He wasn't very good at being a 'small businessman' since he routinely didn't do work he'd contracted. Heck, Mr. Franks can't even pay people for work they did on his house. I know life must be tough for him and his $2,000,000 home.

There are others; the suit that made him his fortune, of course, was the Fen-Phen suit. I suppose there are other ways to make drugs cheaper, but I'm sure suing companies never causes an increase in price. The price tag of that one was $14 billion to Wyeth; that is approximately four times what the company's four best-selling products take in annually. I'm sure that didn't raise drug prices at all, though.

I find it hard to believe that a man who counts cigar manufacturer Swisher International as a contributor is truly interested in people's health and grocery taxes. Nor do I find it believable that a man who claims to be more pious than the Pope continually takes funds from the casino industry, or from beer manufacturers. If he was paying attention in Sunday school, he'd remember the Church of God of Prophecy frowns on both.

Jeremy Martin. Where's that name in your column, Sid? The people of Mississippi deserve for you to put in print what was done to that man, by any and all accounts a smear and a railroading. And I'm not just talking about the arrest and trial; I'm talking about the campaign button ban at Lee County Schools, directed at Mr. Martin's supporters (most of whom can't vote! That's the worst part of it!). I'm talking about Johnny Green going around the Hebron community in Lee County telling the residents that Mr. Martin wasn't a 'real teacher' (I wonder if Mr. Green has ever checked the resume's and licenses of some of his 'real teachers' in Lee County). I'm talking about the strategically placed rumors that Mr. Martin engaged in the love that dare not speak its name.

I'm talking about the inane criticisms from Mr. Franks throughout that campaign: That kid's too young (Mr. Martin was 24 when he ran for office; Mr. Franks, as he'll tell anyone who will listen, was 22 when he was elected). That kid lives with his parents (uh, so did you when you were basically handed the seat by Bill Wheeler-and Mr. Martin had been at college and teaching for the previous four years). That kid's never had a real job (didja ever think that at 22 you'd had one? And I thought you liked teachers?)

Of course, when Mr. Martin's supporters poked back-going to Mr. Franks' first election statement that 'the last thing we need in Jackson is another lawyer'-he cried foul like a little kid who got his binky taken away, and ran to his good buddy Attorney General Samson to protect him from Mean Old Jeremy. So much for that cultivated cultured image (the expensive car, suits, cufflinks, shoes, home)-or was it the brawlin' tough guy (I'll whip your ass)? I forget.

Jamie Franks Jr is a hypocrite. He's the worst kind of politician. I don't know anything personal about Phil Bryant, but he can't be any worse than this. Jamie Franks Jr makes me want to puke every time I think about him. Unfortunately, the masses aren't being informed about this. All they get are the generic statements of 'staying on message,' 'effective campaigner,' 'blue collar working man,' and the other schtick that the media gets from their Jamie Franks handouts. If they were interested, they'd've followed up on some of the things we've discussed here at the Tank. Unfortunately, either they're too lazy to do some investigating outside of their offices (I guess it's too hot) or too busy setting the type for November's endorsement.

Mea Culpa

(That's basically "my bad" in Latin, Mr. Franks)

I mentioned in a post regarding Jeremy Martin's investigation/incarceration/exoneration that 81 members of the state legislature had committed the same 'oops' as Mr. Martin in the 2003 campaign. I regret to inform you we here at the Tank were incorrect in our numbers.

It was 96. That's right, 96 members of the Mississippi legislature were NOT investigated for months, were NOT marched 180 miles to Hinds County for indictment, were NOT booked and bonded like common criminals, were NOT put through hell and had their good name dragged through the mud, were NOT forced to pay for legal representation...oh, yeah, and were NOT forced to pay a $300 fine after all of the troubles caused to them. They were NOT victims of a rich man vindictively seeking to eliminate a poor man from politics through the smear of a corrupt, partisan attorney general (See, here at the Tank we can be "populist firebrands" too).

Oh, and they were NOT cleared on the front page of the major newspapers in the state. But I guess that's okay-Mr. Martin wasn't either. I guess the members of the Tank Platoon and the listeners of Paul Gallo are the only ones who know anything about how the case was resolved. I wish JT and Dave would take the issue up (how about an interoffice memo, Paul?) since they enjoy a good jumping on of Jamie Franks as much as I do.

The Things We Find on the Internet

So, at Mr. Franks' website, he's made some promises. Let's take a look, and keep in mind the record Mr. Franks has amassed (try not to laugh, those of you who have heard the repeated promise of re-paving Highway 363 for the last twelve years). "Jamie Will: Ensure seniors have access to affordable prescription drugs." There's this thing called the federal prescription drug benefit, Mr. Franks. You might have heard of it. There's also this thing called the free market economy. Follow along with me, in case you didn't take Economics at Mooreville High (you know, the place you once promised to burn down. Did you get the fire started when you kicked off your campaign there?): Demand goes up+supply remaining constant/going down=prices rise. You can no more make drugs cheaper than I can survive a fall off the Empire State building. I suppose your solution would start by placing more burdens on the companies producing prescription drugs, and since the state has no control over patent laws (you know that, right?) that means...c'mon, I see the hamster struggling to get the wheel turning...you'll only end up making 'scrips more expensive. I know, I know, you have the best of intentions. But, the road to hell is paved with good intentions (and, possibly, frozen lawyers). Guarantee safe nursing home care for our neediest seniors. Yeah, let's refer them to the Board of Health...oh, wait, those guys suck at their jobs. I guess a good staff and enforcing the law aren't prerequisites for hiring over there. Also, you've been in the legislature twelve years. In that time, you've promised every year to enact legislation to make it a more serious crime to assault a senior citizen. Is this a part of that, and, uh...why haven't you actually gotten that done, since you wield such a big stick in the House? End sweetheart deals and root out corruption in state government. Awesome. The beef guys must be quaking in their expensive boots. There's a guy over in the Eggville community whom you may have heard of (was his name Jerome Martinez or something like that?) who's also thrilled to hear of it. So, when are you taking office as State Auditor and Attorney General, Sheriff Franks? Cut Mississippi's grocery tax by 50% by increasing the tobacco tax. Haven't we already discussed the revenue decrease thing here? And how when you make something more expensive, people stop buying it? I'll go back to Econ 101 for you: When beef gets expensive, people buy chicken. Tax tobacco? People will chew gum, either with nicotine or without; they'll eat more; or they'll put on a patch. That's how it works. By the way, I thought you guys only wanted to tax cigarettes more, you know, because they're bad for more than one person? Isn't that how nanny-statism works, deciding what's best for other people? Be 100% Pro-life, 100% of the time Really. So, were you thrilled when your buddy Steve Holland basically said of Terry Schiavo, the deader the better? The state of Mississippi, to my knowledge, has one working abortion clinic, located in Jackson, and is only staffed two days a week by an abortionist who's flown in. This was on PBS; I believe on your local Comcast that's channel twelve. We've banned abortion symbolically (I'm sure you're going to claim credit for that one sooner or later). Are you going to hold a gun to John Paul Stevens' head to make him change his vote on Roe? Uphold Gun Rights. So, you're going to fight the Dems in Congress when they attempt to pass stricter gun bans, right? Or stop trial lawyers from suing gun manufacturers? Because I know you would always back your constituents over someone seeking to sue them or take away their rights. You guys at Itawamba County Schools and Mooreville One Stop, I hear you laughing in the background. Protect Marraige as a sacred vow between a man and a woman. Ummm...again, I don't wanna bring up bad memories of 2004 for you, but 89% of your fellow Mississippians took that out of your hands. The state had already banned homosexual marraige in code. Do you want to hit Hiroshima and Nagasaki one more time to make sure they get the message, too? I mean, other than the afforementioned hostage-taking at the Supreme Court, that's kind of out of your hands at this point, right? As a wiser man than me once said, this is a trave-sham-ockery (that means its a travesty, sham and mockery all put together, Mr. Franks). There's so much illogic and contradiction here that Oliver Stone couldn't follow it, and the Atlanta Braves don't try to cover all the bases as completely as this rube. And, to top it all off, we've heard over and over how he was instrumental in everything from Beethoven's Fifth, to the D-Day Invasion, to the Lord of the Rings movies, not to mention Toyota and whatnot. I keep expecting on the day that Barry Bonds hits 756 for you to want to outlaw steroids and claim you were one of the men who escorted Hank Aaron around the bases when he hit 715. You make my job so much easier, Mr. Franks. Were you less lazy, idiosyncratic and predictable, I would actually have to search for things to slam you on.

Casting Call

So I'm writing a screenplay. It's called, "Stinkin' Danged: The Jeremy Martin Story." Here's my picks for the cast.





LUKE WILSON (Old School, Rushmore) as Jeremy Martin





FRED THOMPSON (Law & Order) as Steve Holland (Sorry, Fred).





WILL FERRELL (Anchorman, Old School) as Bill Wheeler











KURTWOOD SMITH (Robocop, That '70s Show)(and a hairpiece) as Speaker Billy McCoy.





TIM ROBBINS (Shawshank Redemption, Mystic River) as Jim Hood







DEBORAH RUSH (American Wedding) as Amy Tuck





MORGAN FREEMAN (Batman Begins, Bruce Almighty) as George Flaggs





BRUCE MCGILL (McGyver, Cinderella Man) as Haley Barbour








And, Our Boy Himself: JEREMY PIVEN (Old School, Entourage) as Jamie Franks Jr.








CAMEOS BY:















KATE BECKINSDALE





VINCE VAUGHN















DONALD SUTHERLAND





JON FAVREAU







JERRY O'CONNELL



AND FEATURING STACY KEACH AS JOHNNY GREEN












It's sure to be a hit.

In Re Anonymous

An anonymous comment below asked about Jeremy Martin, and what he's up to. Mr. Martin declined to run for office this year; I asked him why and his response was, "I ran last time and went to jail. I'm afraid of what will happen if I win."

Yeah, District 19 was probably his to lose, especially after Mssrs. Franks, Hood, Clark, and Moore made him the most popular man in the district. But, he's working on his Masters, and writing a Social Studies cirriculum for Tupelo Christian Preparatory School, and campaigning would simply be too much when he's so close to completing both.

So there you go; bleg responded to. Hopefully we'll hear more from Mr. Martin in the future. I get the feeling that he's not done with politics, not by a long shot.