You Know, I Did It As A Joke

Barry Obama, Peace Be Upon Him, recently said he'd been the author of the Stimulus Package that went into effect over the summer. He was so instrumental, in fact, that he didn't even show up to vote on the measure, as he's been campaigning for President for about 2/3 of his Senate career (which is almost as much as Joe Biden has-badum-ching! Hey, remember Joe Biden?). If I was still doing the "Claim of the Day," this would be a good one to chalk up.

But why is it like this with Dems? Can't they just talk without the grandiose posturing and fact-stretching? Whether it was Misadventures on a Helicopter (Hil-Rod and Biden), Inventing the Internet, Christmas in Cambodia, or the numerous whoppers that the Golden Boy has served up, they all seem to want to be such a part of history that they write themselves in when there's no need to.

Obama is no different. He said his parents were brought together by the March on Selma-except he was 4 when it happened. Then there was the bill his Banking Committee authored...except he's not on the Senate Banking Committee. Kennedy and Kruschev had tea and crumpets and prevented WWIII...except the meeting actually made the Cuban Missile Crisis worse. The Berlin Wall was brought down by people working together (I suppose as long as he's talking about Ronald Reagan, George HW Bush, Margaret Thatcher, and Pope John Paul II, he's right).

It's a pathological need of Dems, one that I can't understand. Of course, most of them don't really understand history, so what can you expect when they invent their own?

And Milk Shot Through My Nose

Hampton is still fighting the 2000 election and toting water for AlGore. Let us count the things that are funny in his blog today:

1. "I understand why Gore has given up politics after the Florida/Supreme Court maneuver that took the presidency away from him."

That would be the Florida that George Bush led from wire-to-wire, won by over 500 votes, was confirmed by a number of newspapers, and, oh, yeah, was called for Gore before the polls closed in the panhandle? That Florida?

2. "And, I think he has offered tremendous worldwide leadership on a critical issue facing the planet. His work has made a difference as the Nobel Prize accurately reflected."

Yes, by driving around in fuel-inefficient vehicles, flying everywhere, staging a concert that was so carbon-inefficient that it was hilarious, having a mansion with a $17000 a month electric bill, and generally being the Webster's definition "for me, but not for thee."

That, and most of the people he won his Nobel with think his theories are full of it. Mostly, this is an excuse to backdoor socialism into our lives and extend the power of the government.

3. "Gore was one of the most capable and prepared for the presidency than any candidate in decades. At least a majority of Americans thought so."

So you admit that Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, John Kerry, Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis, and, oh, yeah-Barry Messiah himself (honor and glory be unto his name) weren't ready for the presidency? Admitting it is the first step, Davy.

Anyway, let's define something: Ma-jor-uh-tee, according to Dictionary.com: the greater part or number; the number larger than half the total (opposed to minority): the majority of the population.

AlGore's share of the vote in 2000: 48.4. Unless my math skills are worse than I remember, that means that 51.6% of the American people disagreed with that assessment, Davy. In fact, a majority of people living in Gore's 'home state' of Tennessee (though Gore was born and raised in Washington and spent a majority of his life there or at Harvard) didn't agree with that statement.

But just to get it straight: Since GWB won 51% of the vote, and had more people vote for him than anyone in the history of American elections, by your standards, he's the most qualified president ever.

By the way, the biggest supporter of removing Saddam Hussein from power during the 1990s? Albert Gore Jr. Don't go around telling people that, though-it might be that people will figure out he's less St. Al and more opportunistic pol.

Keep fighting 2000 Davy. It just makes you look like the guy from The 40-Year Old Virgin who is still obsessed with a woman he dated years ago.

Cue Nash, Defending Whiplash

Far be it from anyone to ask Congressman Whiplash to, I don't know, put his money where his mouth is on energy. You can't blame Iraq forever, and you can't run on a phantom record when you're the incumbent. Eventually, people are going to look for more results than faxed statements from Baghdad and you pointing out that you're not living in the Memphis suburbs.

It's such a shame that President Bush wasn't calling for more drilling eight years ago when running for president the first time. Oh, nuts, he was, wasn't he? And it's too bad that drilling in ANWR has been verboten to the Democratic party ever since they allied themselves with the enviro-wacky left in the late '60s. Face it, Jere, to you, the price of gas is a political issue. It's something you can use to hammer the incumbent party, and you know that your coalition doesn't give a damn, because the Obamessiah only thinks it's a problem that gas went up too fast and The Al Gore thinks that higher gas prices are just great (just read his book!) because it'll save the world. To me, it's a real problem-I don't have people lining up bundling millions of dollars for my travel expenses.

I laugh at Nash sometimes. It's like he fell asleep in 1999 and woke up in 2007. I laugh at his and Hampton's complete ignorance of the principles of supply (which we don't have enough of) and demand (of which there is a great increase due to the developing world). And I laugh at all the 'well, it'll be five years' talk when drilling comes up-because if we'd done it eight years ago, we might not be in this situation!

Edited to add: All of a sudden, "War for Oil" doesn't sound so bad, doesn't it?

It Wasn't Me (with apologies to Shaggy)

"It Wasn't Me"(feat. Barry Messiah)

(Yo', Barry) Yo'(Open up, Barry)
What do you want, man?(The constituents just caught me)
You let them catch you?(I don't know how I let this happen)
With who?(The folks in Mississippi, you know)
Man (I don't know what to do)

Say it wasn't you (Alright)

Election came in and they caught me red-handed
Creeping with the netroots next door
Picture this, we were both asking for money,
Obama on the internet, sure

How could I forget that they had
Googled all kinds of stuff on me
All this time they were standing there
They never took the eyes off me
How you can grant the folks access to your browser
Trespasser and a witness while they pull down your trousers

You better watch your back before it turns into a killer
Best for you and the situation not to call the Deaner
To be a true player you have to know how to play
If they say a night, convince them say a day
Never admit to a word when they say makes a claim
And you tell them baby no way

But they caught me on Internet Explorer (It wasn't me)
Saw me getting endorsed by Obama (It wasn't me)
I don't know if I voted for Kerry (It wasn't me)
WREG even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
I was sweating down the shoulders (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the sobs gettin louder (It wasn't me)
Can't wait til this is all over

Davis came in and he caught me red-handed
Pallin' around with the Dems next door
Picture this, we were both tryin' to get elected
Browsing in the internet world
I had tried to keep them
From what they was about to see
Why should they believe me
When I told them it wasn't me

Make sure they know it's not you and lead them on the right prefix
Whenever you should see them make the Conservative flex
As funny as it be by you, it not that complex
Seeing is believing so you better change your specs
You hope they're not gonna be worrying bout things from the past
Hardly recollecting and then they'll go for Jeremiah's mass
Wait for your answer: go over there
But if they pack a camera you know you better run fast

But they caught me on Internet Explorer (It wasn't me)
Saw me getting endorsed by Obama (It wasn't me)
I don't know if I voted for Kerry (It wasn't me)
WREG even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
I was sweating down the shoulders (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the sobs gettin louder (It wasn't me)
Can't wait til this is all over

Media came in and they caught me red-handed
Creeping with the Speaker next door
Picture this, we were both in elections,
gettin' in on the ground floor
How could I forget they had
Googled all this stuff on me
All this time they were standing there
Voters never took their eyes off me
Gonna tell them that I'm sorry
For voting for Gore and Kerry

I've been listening to your reasoning
It makes no sense at all
We should tell Nancy that I'm sorry
For the pain that I've caused
You may think that you're a player
But you're completely lost
That's why I sing

Election came in and they caught me red-handed
Creeping with the netroots next door
Picture this, we were both asking for money,
Obama on the internet sure
How could I forget that they had
Googled all kinds of stuff on me
All this time they were standing there
They never took the eyes off me
How you can grant the folks access to your browser
Trespasser and a witness while they pull down your trousers
They never took their eyes off me