Back to Mayo and Davy

Today, I happend to click on the indespensible Magnolia Report blog section (speaking of which, where did my entry go?). I was treated, constant reader, to the wit and wisdom...or what passes for it, anyway...of John Mayo and David Hampton. First, to the Grand Mayonaise himself.

John Mayo wonders if Republicans have hearts, since he is (in his own mind) unjustly linked to Nan from San Fran and the Speekah. After all, Mississippi might refuse unemployment insurance money from the Multi-Generational Financial Rape Package! Of course, much like most of the Democrats spending money in Jackson, he failed to read the fine print.

In taking that money, the state is on the hook to keep those benefits at the level the Crap Sandwich known as the Stimulus sets. And since there isn't going to be a stimulus every year (thank you, God), we'll have to make up that difference. Its not a lack of a heart on the part of the Governor; its a lack of brains on the part of our legislators. All they see is a big chunk of change to spend; never mind the actual consequences.

All that leads me to wonder: If Republicans don't have hearts (since they don't care about the Workin' Man!) does that mean that Democrats don't have brains? I say this since they are really, really haphazard with other people's money. The Crap Sandwich, loaded with items that will not create one single job, is one example. The phrase, "Nissan for Rural Mississippi," also comes to mind.

Then there's David Hampton, and his recent blog post musing about how unfair it is that coaches make more money than professors at most (if not all) universities. Of course, Davy misses the point again. College professors are tenured; it takes, in most cases, nothing short of plagiarism for them to be fired. In effect, they are guaranteed lifetime employment. They work 40-hour, 5-day weeks, and are, in many cases, provided with living accomodations by their university. Their children also attend school, at least in the case of some of our state universities, at roughly half the cost of an average student. Professors, for the most part, have little to do with the recruitment of students to their school. All this, and, for the most part, they are not economic mulitpliers.

A college coach, on the other hand, is not tenured. He serves at the pleasure of his superiors, and may be fired for just about any reason at any time. He works well over 100 hours a week, and for a good part of the year, at least 6 days a week. Oftentimes, he is on the road for weeks at a time, living out of his suitcase, selling his university not only to prospective students but to their familes and communities.

The college coach is an economic multiplier. Vaught-Hemmingway Stadium at Ole Miss, which is the example that Davy used, seats 60,500 people (give or take). Assume the average price of a ticket is $25 (dear God, for a $25 ticket! I'd shoot people for that). That yields a million dollars to the university just in gate reciepts for one game. This is before concessions are sold, university paraphanalia is purchased, or panchos are necessarily purchased during rainstorms (a benefit, no doubt, of Ole Miss' stick policy-umbrellas are forbidden).

Now, think about it like this, Davy: On football Saturdays, Oxford, normally a town of 15,000 people (roughly the size of economically-moribund Greenwood) swells past Gulfport as the second-largest city in the state. If Vaught-Hemmingway stadium is filled to capacity, it outstrips Hattiesburg and Biloxi's total population (the same is true of Scott Field at Mississippi State; Roberts Stadium at USM would rank slightly below fifth-place Southaven). Even if you assume simply a day trip for most visitors, that still includes at least one meal eaten away from home, two tanks of gas purchased (along with various sundries), plus whatever tailgating supplies are purchased. This does not include those who fill hotel rooms, eat out more than once, or ply the shops around town. Remember as well that in Oxford and Starkville, there are a number of people who never attend the game. This number can be assumed to be anywhere from 5-15,000 depending on the game.

Let's not even get into the publicity that a school gets from a televised football game. The two spots narrated by Morgan Freeman that Ole Miss is fond of running during games spring to mind. When all that is said and done, the successful college coach has grown the economy by a large number. If you want to see the impact, why don't you ask Oxford or Starkville merchants how much they care for 3-win seasons in football?

But all this escapes Davy. All he sees are random numbers pulled from a pile. The compensation packages for football assistants are more than fair based upon the economic criteria above. Its just that it tugs at his poor liberal heart strings too much for him to, you know, think about it and stuff.

How To Spend A Trillion Dollars Without Really Trying

Little known fact: You could spend a million dollars a day every day from the birth of Christ til today and not spend as much money as Barry Messiah, Nan From San Fran, and Dingy Harry managed to cram through in two days.

The laundry list of problems I have with it is, of course, about as long as our President is on promise (though it would be nice if he was longer on delivery...pretty short so far). It was cobbled together in a back room filled with ideological homogenity, made unsearchable by its opponents, and was provided to the lobbyists on K Street (remember the good old days of...2008...when lobbyists were bad people? Why, even the Golden Boy himself decried lobbyists!) before it was provided to the members of Congress...

And of course, the awesomeness of it being passed at the start of tax season.

Never mind, too, that its short on actually creating jobs (oh, wait, we've morphed that into "save or create jobs!" so that all of the 500 million people who are losing their jobs this month according to the Speaker can be grateful to the government). Never mind that its short on the promised infrastructure improvements, or the technological upgrades, and that welfare as we knew it is back, baby. But its ok, we're told: Something had to be done, and this is definitely something!

Then again, so is a big, steaming pile of cow dung.

You know, General Patton once said that a good plan executed right now is better than a great plan executed 15 minutes from now. I get the feeling that General Patton wouldn't have thought all those millions for a mouse was a good plan for saving jobs, however.

Hope and Change, people. You are the ones we've been waiting for. Blah blah blah. Anybody out there ever heard the phrase "buyer's remorse?" Look it up, Oh Followers of the One. As for me, I think I have said caveat emptor once or twice.