All Your Google Searches Belong to Hood

Harmful Content

I'm sure Google searches for Jim Hood will now only tell you he is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being you'll ever know in life.

I Can Call Em

So remember when I gave you the Jim Hood playbook?  You remember-"I'm Jim Hood, and I'm against Crime!" (And the implication is that if you're not Samson himself, YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT CRIME).

I turned on my TV this morning, and what did I see?  A Jim Hood ad targeting Mike Hurst for not prosecuting Domestic Violence cases.

Cause that's a federal crime, you know?  (HEAVY SARCASM GUYS).

You know what else Mike Hurst hasn't ever prosecuted?  People who ran against his buddies. You know, like Hood did for Jamie Franks.

Ain't this Interesting?

Hood's Google Fishing Expedition

Does it surprise anyone that Samson is greasing the palms of his buddies, and doing the bidding of a powerful interest?

It works out for everyone:  Mike Moore gets paid, the MPAA gets to take Google down a peg, Jim Hood gets to run against a Corporation (that just happens to have all your search records)...win win right?  I'm sure when the campaign finance reports come down, there will be no money donated from MPAA types to Hood.

Speaking of which, has anyone noticed the Jim Hood pattern?  He's against cybercrime, he's against exploiting children, he's against abusing drugs...

Is there anyone out there who's actually FOR THOSE THINGS?  Other than criminals?  It's subtle, but the "If you're against Jim Hood, you're for all kinds of bad things" vibe is real.  

I expect this to be covered extensively by the relevant newspapers in Mississippi.*

* sarcasm.

Obama Finally Saves Someone's Job...

And it turns out to be a nutty would-be dictator in Latin America. Awesome. Amateur Hour continues.

Headline: Raging Egomaniac Calls It Quits

Dear People Blessed to Know An August Personage Such as Myself, Reaching the ripe and wizened age of three score and ten, and seeing the wonderful coverage that our hillbilly Bible-thumping football coach has recieved over the past several weeks, I have chosen this time to announce my retirement as Chancellor of the University of Mississippi. Because, let's face it: Nothing is bigger than ME. Not the Cotton Bowl win. Not the possible top 15 ranking for the football team. No, this is all about ME. I remember the good old days. On September 26, I hosted the presidential debate here at the Ford Center. Not anyone else. ME. I was like Jay Leno out there. Even better: I was like the golden god that Jay Leno prays to at night. It all came crashing down the next day. One day that Obama kid is kissing your ass, the next some Bible-thumping mouth-breather gets tackled a yard short of a first down and all MY press gets devoted to upsetting Florida. I WAS ANNOINTING BARACK OBAMA THE NIGHT BEFORE, PEOPLE! HE SOUGHT MY APPROVAL AND WISDOM! IF YOU THINK HE'S JESUS THEN I'M JOHN THE FREAKING BAPTIST! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOOK AT ME! Then they reel off some more wins. They beat Auburn and ULM. That would have been ok if they'd stopped there. But no, these idiots kept on winning. They beat LSU and then humiliated Mississippi State. Pretty soon the alumni are restless, what with all the talk about Nutt going to Auburn. God, I hate his name. What kind of coach is named Houston anyway? Robert is such a good name. Sometimes, I call God "Bob" cause its so wicked cool. That, and it's hard to imagine anyone more awesome than Bobby K, you know? Back on the subject: What were they worried about? I mean, my record hiring football coaches speaks for itself. Tuberville: I mean, talk about a visionary. I took all of his ideas about the football facilities and Pete and I passed them off as our own for over 10 years. Sure, mine and Pete's cheap ways caused him and his staff to bolt for Auburn, where he won 85 games over 10 years. What do you expect? The man was a grandstander, what with stuff like practicing in the parking lot to highlight how bad our facilities were. But we had the blueprints we'd use for years! And I GOT ALL THE CREDIT! Cutcliffe: I'll let you in on a secret: All I did was ask Archie who he wanted to coach the team. It was pretty easy. When Eli came in, we had the money to expand the stadium and make ME look good. And that's what's important. Plus, Cut was so easy to manipulate. When I told him to jump, he didn't even ask "how high?" I got him to pimp MY new state flag design (don't believe the hype. I designed it. Me. It was so awesome that if I took sole credit, people's heads would explode). Of course, when his usefulness was up, I gently cut him loose. But think about it: if he were such hot stuff, wouldn't he have a better job than Duke? Ed Orgeron: You know, it might LOOK bad on the outside. The bar fights. The restraining order. But the man sure could lay it on thick. Possibly the best flatterer I have EVER met, outside of myself. How else could you treat your own players so badly that they'd start a facebook group about how they were glad you were fired, and still recruit well enough to get a Cotton Bowl team out of it? Nutt: Ok, this was kind of like my drunken one-night stand that ended up in a Vegas wedding. Britney did it, so it must be ok. People pay attention to her! I still don't know how it happened. One minute I'm begging Dickie Scruggs and Richard Schwartz to foot the bill for Rick Neuheisel, the next he's doing his lame "Fun is spelled W-I-N stuff." Never did I think this guy was going to take us anywhere more exotic than Shreveport. Cut, by the way, has a winter home there, did you know that? And by winning 9 games in a year, this guy has more stroke than Tiger Woods. I even had the professor ask the question about the salary at the hiring press conference. I was sure it'd trip him up. But damn he's a smooth one; I had a problem on my hands with this one. And keep in mind, I brought Andy Kennedy in as the basketball coach without showing him a single picture of Tad Smith Coliseum! All of a sudden, Houston Nutt had the adoration and attention that should have been MINE. And that can't happen. Dammit, the law school's name is being changed from the only Mississippian to sit on the Supreme Court to MINE. Its my Great Pyramid. Pete Boone is being stuffed and placed on display there, just like the Pharaohs did with their loyal servants. I haven't told him that, so keep it on the down low. Ozymandias ain't got nothing on me. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair. Do you know I had to give that Arkansas redneck a RAISE? Good Bob, do you know how much pine straw that could have bought? I'm thinking about starting a rumor that students can park on the Circle again. The ticket revenues should about cover it. Oh, the bad old days: Some kid from Memphis would be talking to his buddies out his car window and I'd have to wait to get to my parking space. Glad I solved that problem. Still haven't solved the Memphis problem. But hey, at least all those kids from Tennessee keep coming in and making our enrollment look good. So what if a third or so of our school comes from out of state? Its not like that says its easier to get in here than elsewhere. I mean, a million bucks buys a lot of brick. Sure, the academics haven't changed that much, but I've got a campus worthy of myself now. What does it matter that professors leave as long as pine straw gets brought in? I've got a place to watch operas (my Yale friends looked down on me for not having one nearby. I showed them-built my own right down the block!). I even had the brass to make sure that only a select few students got to go to opening night. They still love me. You know, Caesar Augustus found Rome a city of wood and left it a city of brick. And he's not as awesome as me. I had the stroke of a little social engineering too: The Honors College. You think its for the best and the brightest? It is. We're turning them into good little liberals all the time. We're feeding into their sense of self-esteem by telling them "Liberal Smart" and engaging them in groupthink activities. Perfect little robots, who will do my bidding long after I am weighed by Osiris' feather. Besides, this retirement will make people forget that a lot of the money I raised over the last fifteen years was tainted by some overblown judicial bribery thing. That'll blow over. After all, I, Robert Conrad Khayat, sent a letter to a judge for Dickie. ON UNIVERSITY LETTERHEAD BABY! It's so over. Dickie'll be back to his hijinks in no time. And I'll be back to flying in style on his plane. Best move I ever made, selling the name of that building to Dickie. He's such a card. The judge bribery is nothing. He's always talking people into doing things that might not be such a good idea. Once, he got Pete to eat a shoe. By Bob, it was hilarious. Pete put sauerkraut on it. He nearly cried. It'll be too bad if they actually lose their money. I haven't decided where in their backs I'll stick the knife when that happens. But I gotta do what's best for me. I gotta have people to use, you know? That's what you're all here for. Anyway, this retirement thing is sweet. I'm gonna show up one day in bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Maybe grill some steaks in my Lyceum office. Maybe Dickie can come by. That's another thing I'm proud of: We built me not one, but TWO offices worthy of me. Too bad I had to give the Martindale one up. The view was sweet, especially when the sorority girls would go on jogs down Frat Row. Don't let the AARP card fool you. Bobby K got game. I make it rain. It is with a heavy heart that I announce my retirement as Chancellor of the University of Mississippi. I have used the position to stroke my ego immensely, and to have people see ME in the owner's box during Redskins games. Once Marty Stuart was performing on Thacker Mountain radio. I suckered him into letting me carry his guitar to the stage for him. That way, everybody in the audience got to see ME. At this time, with all the attention Houston Nutt has gotten, something must be done to remedy the lack of Bobby K in the public consciousness. With this retirement, I can assure that the front page of every newspaper and sports page has a smilin' pic of ME for a week. Regards, Swingin' Sexy Bobby K (PS that's my next move...to start using my rapper name...to keep people thinking about ME).

Zach Scruggs to Appeal Sentence

In other news, everybody at Parchman protests that they are innocent.

All The News Not Fit to Mention

The Beef Plant Fiasco is back...again. But you'd never know it reading articles by our alleged pre-eminent editorial writers. Hampton wants to dwell on how magical Barry Messiah is, or how the governor and his 'minions' are out to get us all. For all I know Sid Salter has an article in the works but right now all he wants to talk about is Medicaid and the death of George Carlin, with an occasional Samson reference thrown in because somebody sent a mean e-mail. Others talk of a conspiracy between the GOP and Big Tobacco to destroy southern Democrats (funny, since most of them tend to be able to screw things up on their own without any help from others)

(And as an aside, how come nobody ever writes an article about how the Democrats and Big Hollywood have teamed up to make propaganda films for the last seven years or so? And has anyone noticed that almost all of them are box office bombs? It was so bad that when Lions for Lambs came to DVD, the tv trailer suddenly went from 'anti-war conspiracy film' to 'leave no man behind.')

Yet none of them are writing about Monty Rushgrove taking money from the Beef Plant Braintrust. Maybe they think it's old news, but fresh indictments in the case demand that the issue be covered, and questions be asked, especially the new 'money pit' revelation. But hey, it's a Democratic year-who are they to interfere in the political process?

It took two months on this blog last year for anyone in the state media to bring up one of the most shameful acts of political retribution in recent memory to be brought up by Salter-the Jeremy Martin railroading was brought up on his blog, one time, almost as a throwaway. Instead of asking tough questions to Samson and the Golden Boy-and maybe asking a few people who sat near Mr. Franks in the House exactly what was said in a couple of early-January 2004 telephone calls-there was one blog post. The Beef Plant is just as bad and it continues to get worse as more and more figures go down. I guess when you're mourning George Carlin, though, it's tough to get around to that kind of thing.

Say What?

Maybe my local history wasn't well taught, but darn if I remember any serious historical event regarding the Civil Rights Movement in Lee County. With the exception of a brief moment in the late '70s, was Tupelo any kind of beacon of the civil rights movement?

Jackson? Yup. Philadelphia? Certainly. McComb? Of course. Tupelo? Not so much.

Yes, there was a Civil War Battle-more accurately called a skirmish, probably. It was the first TVA city-which I'm reminded of every time I enter the mess of an intersection known as Crosstown. Naturally, it's also the birthplace of Elvis and formerly the site of Longtown, a major Chickasaw settlement. Heck, Tupelo has even been held up by Machine Gun Kelly.

But what major civil rights event needs to be commemorated by a monument on the courthouse lawn? And why is it assumed that taxpayers need to fund it?

I have an idea. One of the spokesmen for 'the Coalition for Change' (what a wonderful, vague, vapid, airless name!) is one James Hull. As we discussed last year around this time, he is the former WTVA reporter who became a paid member of the campaign of Jamie Franks Jr. It is my belief that this is Greg Davis, KKK member part 2. Is that too far out of the realm of possibility?

Think about it. The city of Tupelo is a shade under 70% white. The First Congressional District is just over 70% white. In the recent election, about 40% of those voting were black. See the pattern here? A well-timed bit of outrage-say a flyer saying that a candidate supported the KKK, for instance-to drive up black turnout could be beneficial to all kinds of candidates, now and in the future. The presence of a Democratic operative at the front of the entire shebang surely lends itself to that thought.

Now, do Tupelo and Lee County have problems? Yes. There's a lack of affordable housing, especially for the middle class. There are too many city council members. There's a culture of cronyism in the county school district. Are any of these going to be solved by a monument to a movement that largely passed Tupelo by? Nope. And it certainly they will not be solved by spending taxpayer money on such a monument.

http://www.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080615/NEWS/80615002

To the surprise of none...

The state Supremes have told Samson that the Governor was actually right, and reversed the decision of Greenback Bobby Delaughter. We will be electing a senator in November instead of March.

Is there anyone out there who's had a worse start to 2008 outside of Hood? Maybe the guy in Aruba. Hey, Jimmy, there's someone you might want to go after in 40 years or so, since the Dutch are operating about as slowly as you normally do when you're not trawling for votes or doing hackjobs for your buddies.

An English Lesson

See, the English language is complicated. There are billions of English speakers worldwide yet only Chinese is ranked as a harder language to learn by experts. In many languages, there are genders assigned to specific objects (learning them in Spanish is a killer, let me tell you). In English, we use the past, present and future tense for things. You can describe what has happened, what is happening, or what is going to happen. But you can only predict the last one. And when you say, as Mr. Franks did in yesterday's Columbus Commercial Dispatch, that "The people have spoken," and that any veto "will be overridden" you're treading awful close to Ms. Cleo territory. It's in regard to the manufactured Tax Swap Issue, one that, of course, is so poorly thought out and championed mainly by a) newspaper editorial boards, and 2) 'populist yellow dog Democrats' looking for an issue that might drag Haley Barbour down (especially after the Ethics fiasco that blew up in Mr. Franks' partner's face). In fact, the people have not spoken; they will not for another week or so. Naturally, Mr. Franks expresses concern that ad valorem taxes will go up if education is not fully funded. Well, gosh, what exactly is going to take the place of sales taxes for cities if that's cut? Here's another issue: Mississippi is the poorest state in the Union, meaning per capita we have more people who fall under the poverty line than any other state. This means, of course, they pay little to no federal or state taxes. For many-including illegal immigrants-the sales tax is the only tax they pay. It's more fair than income taxes, and I'm sure most people-at least the sane ones, anyway-will agree on that one. He goes on in the Commerical Dispatch to talk about ethics. Once again, that's like getting sex ed taught to you by the Pope. We're talking about a man who's law partner sits on the Ethics commission, who made a shady deal with the AG to get his opponent in the 2003 election arrested, and then claimed to have no knowledge of it, despite claims to the contrary made by him in the Daily Journal when it happened! We're also talking about a man who's promised his support to just about every candidate with a D by their name running for his old seat, and who's claimed that the beef plant was the fault not of he and his cronies, but of the one guy who did something about it! A man who sued schools and businesses he represented in the legislature! Of course, there's the repeated line about not serving a single politician or political party. That's actually half true. Mr. Franks would be serving numerous politicians-Billy McCoy, Steve Holland, Compretta, Percy Watson, Cecil Brown, Gloria Williamson... The best line, though, comes at the end.

They want their candidates to fulfill their dreams; they want their candidates to have the life they never had.

Oh, isn't this rich...just like Mr. Franks! No, Mr. Franks, candidates aren't there to fulfill my dreams. They're in office to spend my money wisely, honestly, and pass laws beneficial to the populace. Besides, my dreams include living in the Keys listening to Jimmy Buffet without a care in the world. Are you gonna make that one happen? And do I want candidates to live the life I never had? Is this you fishing for a raise next year? What is this, lifestyles of the rich and famous? Where's Paris Hilton when you need her? If that means that they'll get rich off of other people's suffering, off of the sweat of their neighbors, and live high on the hog because of it, the answer's a resounding "no" from this quarter. * And by the way, to the young lady who wrote the article on Mr. Franks and his meeting with the CD's editorial board, their is no 'incumbent candidate,' despite what the rube in front of you at the time said.

Franks on the Record (A Parody)

1) Why are you best qualified to lead the Mississippi State Senate in the next term as lieutenant governor?

Well, first of all, Steve and Billy think I'd do an awesome job. Second, I'm in good health, which makes me an even more attractive candidate. Third, I like money-I'd like to have some more of it. The job pays well. I think that's a perfect match. Fourth, Steve told me that I get to whip the ass of a queer every week. It's in the constitution or something.

2) What issues separate you from your opponent and define your campaign?

I don't own a bunch of Liberace and Elton John records like he does, for starters. That's big right there. He hates Jesus. I know that for a fact. He hates old people, the poor and kids. I have it on good authority he hates his own children. He likes to ramble on about things like "physical responsibility" and "budges" like anyone knows what those have to do with state government. Plus he talks like Haley Barbour doesn't have cooties. Barbour is a good man, but he does have cooties. Billy told me so.
Also I know how to pass a law. I was a committee chairman. Billy gave me a big ole gavel and I hit it a bunch. It takes 62 votes to pass a law. Phil doesn't know that. Steve told me Hob would help me in the senate cause it's different and stuff. It takes like 20 or something there.

Third, I'll be totally independent. Billy and Steve said they'd handle all the hard stuff, I'd just have to hit the gavel. It's bigger than my chairman gavel. I've been hitting the weights for a long time to handle it.

3) You've been attacked as "too liberal for Mississippi" in recent TV ads. Based on your record, why are those charges unfair or unfounded?

Yeah, it's unfair. I mean, anyone can charge people with being liberal. Steve says we aren't, anyway. That should settle it for most people. Sure, I gave money to John Kerry and Al Gore, just about the federal maximum, but they're just going to be president and stuff. It's not like they were going to push for gay rights or something. I've banned gay marraige and adoption and soon I'll ban gay people with my 'whip the ass of a queer' legislation. I mean, they were against abortion and didn't want to take peoples' guns. Bill swore they'd never do anything like that. And we all know that they wouldn't have raised taxes-they'd have just readjusted the rates to the Clinton ones from 2000. I mean, it sounds the same as a tax hike, but it's not. I don't know why people think I voted for wasteful spending. The beef plant was the Nissan for rural Mississippi. We're so pleased with it. That's just good economic investment.

4) You voted for the beef plant. You said yesterday that your opponent had a significant role in the plant's failure. How should the voters fairly judge both candidates based on the beef plant's failure?

I think I shouldn't be judged on it at all. We had the best of intentions. Sure, we didn't listen to anyone who knew anything about economics and agriculture, and we appropriated money to a guy who'd failed at the same thing elsewhere. Anyone could make that mistake. It was an honest one. Now Phil? I think he has a man-crush on Richard Hall and the contractor guy. I mean, it's not like he investigated it with the feds or anything. Plus, Jim always wanted to play detectives. You know Bilbo used to do it all the time. He'd pretend to do something bad to get someone else in trouble. We love Bilbo. I liked the movie about the rings. Those little guys were so cute. But they were probably gay for each other. And that's not right.

5) You sued the Itawamba County School District and Fair View Junior High.

I don't know anything about that.

6) Your name is on the paperwork.

Listen queer, I don't know anything about that. If you ask about it again I'll whip your ass.

7) Jeremy Martin-

I don't know who that is.

8) He was your opponent in 2003. You outspent him 4-1 and barely won.

Quit that. Everyone knows I was so loved that no one would run against me.

9) He ended up in jail just months after the race. In the Daily Journal, you claimed to have turned him in after a constituent informed you of financial improprieties, and you turned it over to the Attorney General.

If he went to jail, it's because he's a butt bandit. Butt bandits should go to jail. I didn't have anything do do with that.

10) You were quoted in the paper-

Listen, paperboy, I didn't do nothing. Not another word about it.

11) The Osama lawsuit...

You must hate America if you don't want me to sue Osama.
12) Is crime an issue?

No. There is no crime in district 19 because people are afraid I'll whip their ass if they step out of line. When I'm Lt. Governor, there will be no crime at all.

13) We pundits at the Clarion Ledger think, without the benefit of a poll, that the race appears to be tightening. How do you like your chances at victory at this point?

Steve and Billy say Phil's scared, and I believe them. They tell me I'm good looking, and young, but not in a queer way, cause if they did, I'd whip their ass. I think I'm gonna win and win big, because nobody in their right mind would vote for a queer who hates Jesus and grandma like Phil Bryant.

Candidates Afraid of Indictment?

Word comes to us from north Mississippi that several candidates opposed to the current regime in the Attorney General's office and his compatriots are afraid that some well-timed indictments will be announced within the next few weeks with the intent of swaying legislative races toward the AG's liking.

Of course the charges will be trumped and there'll be no lasting legal impact, but when's that ever stopped these guys? Heck, this time they're not even waiting for the election to put people in jail.

By the way, let me go ahead and issue this denial for you, semi-anonymous spokesman for the AG's office: "The Attorney General's office has no plans to indict any candidate for office in 2007. The claims are ludicrous, and not based at all in reality but in idle speculation. The Attorney General does not prosecute people for their political affiliation, nor does it avoid action on that basis."

Yeah, where exactly would I get the idea that people who make the mistake of crossing one of Hood's buddies might end up in jail? Who would ever get the idea that Samson plays favorites?

I Weep for the Trial Lawyers

Seriously. After reading Bobby Harrison's Daily Journal article, I am crying over the plight of the civil litigant. How dare those evil Republicans stop these hard-working men from doing their jobs? Don't they know how hard it is to make house payments in Oxford, with the real estate market like it is? Don't they know that Buffy is struggling getting the kids to soccer practice in her Escalade while making her rounds to the gym and the spa? Isn't it hard enough to pay for a private jet while also making payments on the former coaches' buyout? And don't get me started on the cost of advertising-those ads on the back of phone books and on the TV don't come cheap.

Just saw Samson's new commercial

And, speaking as someone who wasn't very good in shop class, I can safely say that it's not a good idea to try to weld without your mask on. But you're an experienced craftsman, not me-I'm sure you know better.

I noticed a couple of claims missing, though: "I hand out money to campaign contributors. I work to keep my supporters out of jail. I don't know if federal judges can rule on Mississippi law. I do most of my work in election years. I prosecute schoolteachers."

Put a face on it?

Our liberal friends over at yallpolitics.com suggest Franks and Eaves put faces in ads to help their candidacies. We here at the Tank think that's great!

Here's a few faces. Guess the names.























I guess it's different when there's a face to the name, isn't it?

Hail Mary

Football teams wait until the end of the game to throw the 'Hail Mary' pass, a desperate heave with little chance of success. It seems that in Mississippi we have our own version, though a long way before the end of the game.



This one was in last week's Bloomberg report on Governor Barbour's lobbying ties. Now, the fact that he was a lobbyist might be news to someone living under a bridge, but to most of us-especially anyone who's read Bill Minor's weekly Barbour bash for any length of time-well, it's about as fresh as Boise State's beating Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl. Because that upset was so last season.



Now the truth comes to light, of course: That the state ethics commission's findings are confidential. So how did Bloomberg News come up with the information from the story? Of course, it's members include none other than Will Ferrell look-alike Bill Wheeler, former District 19 representative and law partner of the Golden Boy, and Tom Hood, the brother of Attorney General and State Rube Samson.

Of course, Sid Salter believes that neither one of them did the leaking. And maybe that's true. But then we get back to the lawyering, and defining 'is' and whatnot. Both Hood and Wheeler have a vested interest in seeing Haley Barbour brought down-and that's the elections of Samson and the Golden Boy. The best way for that to happen is to make sure Barbour has no coattails. Because let's face it, two guys who run on the premise of making Barbour's life miserable have little to hope for if he stays popular.

This was probably the magic bullet in the gun, but I'm sure as polling has been coming in and is telling Franks/Hood/Eaves the same thing that I could have told them for the price of a meal at Hardin's Country Store: Haley Barbour is popular. Their bases of support are strong, but their ceilings are low. In order to win, they have to lower Barbour's ceiling. The best way to do that is to sling mud.

It's hard to do that when you're stump speech includes the line "Haley Barbour is a good man." Oh, but if your buddy, or his surrogates, happens to put a little something in a reporter's pocket that makes it to the paper...

This was probably going to be used the week before the election, something that hits the pages on Thursday and Sid Salter can't type fast enough to debunk it before Tuesday. It's a desperate move. But what do you expect? Playing dirty is par for the course for these two, and for the partisan media. Or did we forget about Dan Rather while we were gone?



This political Hail Mary fell short.

Get Him! GETTTT HIIIIMMM!

I'm waiting on the idictment of Todd Brand because of campaign finance issues, Samson. After all, he must have been trying to defraud the state when he filed his campaign report late. And we've got to make an example of him.

Champions of the Little Man

There's nothing like being the Champion of the Little Man. When you declare yourself that, you're fighting the uphill climb against the big businessman, the fat cat, the corporation, the Man, who's (probably) Republican. The media will love you, you'll be cheered by the masses.

That is, until you start suing the little man. Then, he's probably not real glad you're 'championing' him anymore. Just ask small businessman Jerry Wilburn, who is being sued by the state right now over price gouging at his gas stations throughout Itawamba and Lee counties. Yes, that's right: It's not Chevron or Citgo or BP or ExxonMobil that's being sued by our state; it's a small time operation. No bad press to be gotten out of this one, because the press filed it and forgot about it.

I guess he got the idea from our representative, Jamie Franks Jr, who has in the past sued the Mooreville One Stop, a small convienience store located a stone's throw from his house. Yes, that's right: The Champion of the Little Man hit up his own neighbor in a lawsuit. I guess they're equal opportunity ambulance chasers, our rep and our AG: Wilburn owns a store that operates within a mile and a half of the Mooreville One Stop. It's amazing that you can go to Mooreville, home of one James R. Franks Jr, and one of the more prominent businesses has signs for dang near every candidate running in its lawn, both locally and statewide, except for Mr. Franks.

Seven miles, Daily Journal Staff. Seven miles to Mooreville from your office. You can go and be back before the lunch hour is over. Me, Jerry and Imarie are waiting on you. But, we won't hold our breath.

What are they doing on College View Drive?

There has to be some kind of smokescreen of impartiality when we deal with offices that serve the public. I realize that everyone who gets in doesn't support the candidates that I do. But, shouldn't their endorsement stop when they get into vehicles not their own? Who would want the Water & Power departments around the state to put stickers endorsing Candidate A or B in the race for supervisor or city council on their work vehicles? What about Park and Rec endorsing someone for mayor with their little league uniforms? These aren't the things that publicly owned vehicles are supposed to be used for. They aren't floating billboards for candidates, and I'm pretty sure there's some kind of law or regulation against such a thing when it goes to vehicles not owned by the driver but by the public.

So who thought it might be a good idea to stick a Jamie Franks sticker on Lee County Schools work truck #001? Witnesses speaking to the Tank have placed that truck in the Saltillo school district (north Lee County), meaning that it serves either Saltillo or Guntown schools. I don't know about any other trucks; perhaps the powers that be don't think Mr. Franks needs the advertisements in his hometown of Mooreville (hate to tell them, but Mr. Franks lost the Mooreville vote in the last election-he polled only 48.6% in Lee county last time, and his district lies almost entirely in the Mooreville school district, with a couple of precincts in Saltillo and Tupelo) or the Shannon district, whose students are 60% African-American, 66% eligible for free/reduced lunch (that's higher than the state average). Mooreville, by comparison, is 93% white, with 44% eligible for free/reduced lunch; Saltillo, 90% white, 28% free/reduced lunch. It's the school in Lee County pegged for the most growth from the Toyota plant, its boundaries buttressing nicely against the PUL nexus.

We've already established the Franks connection to Lee County Schools' administration-his wife works in the central office, and the superintendent is his good buddy-so somehow I doubt this is an isolated rogue maintenance worker. The desperate acts that Mr. Franks' coalition has begun to resort to are amateurish, even for his standards. Of course, by Monday the truck will have been tracked down and stripped of the sticker, and probably scrubbed with a fine toothed comb. Whoever was driving it will get reassigned. The sticker will get burned and the culprits will vanish into the night to pull down Phil Bryant signs and build a bonfire with them. By the time the staff at the Daily Journal or Clarion Ledger are out of the gate looking for the truck, it'll be like Keyser Soze all over again.


It's another strike against the way things are done in Lee County Schools. It's power politics at its best (worst?)-after all, who is to stop them? There's no superintendent's race, with Mike Scott running without opposition (but no longer the principal at Shannon High). The press could care less about something so trivial. We know what the Attorney General will do-not a damn thing. Meanwhile, a bunch of bullies are allowed to run roughshod over the people they're supposed to serve, all in the name of the holiest of holies-public education-and anyone who opposes them hates children and education. Because that's the atomic bomb of accusations these days, unless you've been in a dogfighting ring.

People wonder why folks are leaving the public schools, and often they point to race. I'm not sure they're always wrong, but examples like this one in Lee County, so full of hubris, should give the public pause in a majority white, fairly well-off school district. You'd think they'd get better than they do. It's amazing kids learn anything with this kind of "GREAT LEADERSHIP" as some would call it.

They can call it what they want. I call it ridiculous. I call it disgraceful. I call it abuse. Because that's what it is.

Well, You Want Differences?

If you want to know what separates Jamie Franks Jr from Phil Bryant, Sid Salter, you don't have to ask Phil. I've got your one-stop shop of differences.

Jamie Franks Jr is a plaintiff's attorney, one who's made a fortune off of lawsuits, including suing people who operate businesses within sight of his home. I can name off a few, in case you don't know them (I guess you've been a little to busy to call F. G. Wiygul, the superintendent of Itawamba County Schools). I may be wrong but Phil Bryant, who is not a self-styled champion of education, has never sued Fair View Junior High.

You could of course also call the owners of Mooreville One Stop, another lawsuit victim of Mr. Franks. The store operates within sight of his quite-large front yard. There's a friend of the little man if ever there was one.

He can claim to be for tort reform and to have put his name on it; but at the end of the day, he still made the motion to kill the bill before it could come up to a vote. I'm sure one day we'll look back and see it as an inspiration to John Forbes Kerry in 2004.

Nothing says "I support seniors" like suing the Amvets. This is, of course, not an organization made up of Gulf War and Grenada veterans.

I see that with the end of Primary Season, the CL has made the decision to label Mr. Franks a 'small businessman.' I'd sure love to know when he mowed his last lawn-or his own, in fact. He wasn't very good at being a 'small businessman' since he routinely didn't do work he'd contracted. Heck, Mr. Franks can't even pay people for work they did on his house. I know life must be tough for him and his $2,000,000 home.

There are others; the suit that made him his fortune, of course, was the Fen-Phen suit. I suppose there are other ways to make drugs cheaper, but I'm sure suing companies never causes an increase in price. The price tag of that one was $14 billion to Wyeth; that is approximately four times what the company's four best-selling products take in annually. I'm sure that didn't raise drug prices at all, though.

I find it hard to believe that a man who counts cigar manufacturer Swisher International as a contributor is truly interested in people's health and grocery taxes. Nor do I find it believable that a man who claims to be more pious than the Pope continually takes funds from the casino industry, or from beer manufacturers. If he was paying attention in Sunday school, he'd remember the Church of God of Prophecy frowns on both.

Jeremy Martin. Where's that name in your column, Sid? The people of Mississippi deserve for you to put in print what was done to that man, by any and all accounts a smear and a railroading. And I'm not just talking about the arrest and trial; I'm talking about the campaign button ban at Lee County Schools, directed at Mr. Martin's supporters (most of whom can't vote! That's the worst part of it!). I'm talking about Johnny Green going around the Hebron community in Lee County telling the residents that Mr. Martin wasn't a 'real teacher' (I wonder if Mr. Green has ever checked the resume's and licenses of some of his 'real teachers' in Lee County). I'm talking about the strategically placed rumors that Mr. Martin engaged in the love that dare not speak its name.

I'm talking about the inane criticisms from Mr. Franks throughout that campaign: That kid's too young (Mr. Martin was 24 when he ran for office; Mr. Franks, as he'll tell anyone who will listen, was 22 when he was elected). That kid lives with his parents (uh, so did you when you were basically handed the seat by Bill Wheeler-and Mr. Martin had been at college and teaching for the previous four years). That kid's never had a real job (didja ever think that at 22 you'd had one? And I thought you liked teachers?)

Of course, when Mr. Martin's supporters poked back-going to Mr. Franks' first election statement that 'the last thing we need in Jackson is another lawyer'-he cried foul like a little kid who got his binky taken away, and ran to his good buddy Attorney General Samson to protect him from Mean Old Jeremy. So much for that cultivated cultured image (the expensive car, suits, cufflinks, shoes, home)-or was it the brawlin' tough guy (I'll whip your ass)? I forget.

Jamie Franks Jr is a hypocrite. He's the worst kind of politician. I don't know anything personal about Phil Bryant, but he can't be any worse than this. Jamie Franks Jr makes me want to puke every time I think about him. Unfortunately, the masses aren't being informed about this. All they get are the generic statements of 'staying on message,' 'effective campaigner,' 'blue collar working man,' and the other schtick that the media gets from their Jamie Franks handouts. If they were interested, they'd've followed up on some of the things we've discussed here at the Tank. Unfortunately, either they're too lazy to do some investigating outside of their offices (I guess it's too hot) or too busy setting the type for November's endorsement.