Sunday, September 20, 2009
This Cannot Be!
Sarcasm meters on high, please.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Bad News on the War On Terror
In other words, expect Duke to wait three days after COBRA attacks, then decide that we don't want to be seen as meddling.
Monday, August 3, 2009
I Love the Dos Equis Commercials
The commercials are so awesome that the President decided that he had to be in one. So he invited two regular guys and Joe Biden to film it...
Oh, wait, that wasn't it?
See, here's the thing. "The Most Intersting Man in the World" got replaced this week by "The Most Self-Important Man in the World." Thankfully, according to the press, President Obama has healed the nations' racial wounds and moved us past race.
But wait...didn't he do that last summer, too?
Frankly, the whole "post-racial" thing was overblown, much like everything about Obama. Obama is a talented opportunist, a man with the ability to make cutting your own hand off sound perfectly reasonable. But you can only go to the well so many times, like a flamethrowing pitcher who never learns another pitch. Eventually, they catch up to you. And that's started to happen; the Obama Show is wearing itself thin.
Look on the bright side, though, Mr. President. You now have your own little Dos Equis statement: "He can heal the same racial wound...twice."
Friday, July 17, 2009
Can I Get Something Off My Chest?
Do you know how you can tell it sucked? Because ESPN has spent the last three days replaying it over and over again, and talking about how great it was. I have seen some first pitches in my life, and that one took the taco for bad first pitches. William Howard Taft, the first president to throw out a pitch, must be rolling over in his grave at the thought of how awful the pitch was.
Let's break it down:
1) The delivery: Awful. Clunky and ungraceful. Obama can speech with the best of 'em. His windup, on the other hand, is awful. And don't give me the excuse of a bulletproof vest. GWB and Reagan threw strikes wearing them, and both of them from the rubber, not the foot of the mound.
2) The result: Albert Pujols sat right on top of the plate. He had to move to keep the ball from bouncing in front of him.
3) Cominsky Field. I can forgive the misproununciation of the name (Comiskey, but southsiders say it like that). It hearkens back to Jeff Gordon's awful "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"...in which he referred to Wrigley Stadium. Say it with me, Dear Leader: Comiskey Park.
4) The "Obama as Regular Joe" story. I hate these. Somehow, being a sports fan is unique? Did no other president like sports? I mean, other than Reagan, Ford, Nixon, Kennedy, Eisenhower (all college football players), GHW Bush (Gold Glove baseball player at Yale), Carter (High school basketball star), and GWB (former baseball owner) there's not a president in recent memory who loved sports like Obama! Spare me. The man's spent some time talking about the BCS! He's just like you and me! Gag.
One more reason to hate the worldwide brainwasher.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Scenes From The White House
"Mr. President," Axelrod says. He waits. Nothing.
"Mr. President," Axelrod says again. Still nothing. He pulls a tape recorder from his pocket, and presses the PLAY button.
"BARRY!!!!!" comes the shrill voice from the recorder. This snaps the president awake from his daze.
"You gotta stop doing that, bro," the President says to Axelrod. "Man, I thought she was really here. That tech is sweet huh? We need to get some of that to the CIA."
"Yes, sir, I'll see to it. Um, sir, about those Treasury appointments..." Axelrod trails off.
"What is it this time, man? I've got the Bears in the playoffs here. I'm a freaking savant at this!"
"Sir, there seems to be a problem with a couple of them."
"What? Is it taxes again? Sheesh, do we need to nationalize Turbotax while I'm here?"
Axelrod looks frumpled. "Sir, it's not taxes. Its..." he trails off for a moment. "Sir, Mike Tirico, Tony Romo, Stan Van Gundy, and Skip Bayless. Really, sir. You can't be serious."
"What? They all have made serious bank. And that's what we need in these uncertain times, bro. We have to give Geity all the help he can get. I mean, come on! Skip Bayless has got to know something about making money. He's always talking about the NBA and stuff on ESPN. That's where you go for your money news, right, Ax Man?"
"Sir, if you could turn the game off for a minute..."
"Not a chance, man. Those sweet offseason moves I made are paying off now. McNabb and Owens together again, baby! All it cost was my entire draft the next two years! Huh! What about that, huh? Freaking awesome is what it is! Anything you got to say to me, you can say in front of Al and John."
"Sir, I must protest this. First of all, they aren't qualified, second, they haven't even been told they're being nominated."
"What? Can't they just do one of those 'I'm honored just to be nominated' things? Isn't that what people do when they get up for one of these awards?"
"Sir, these are not awards..."
"Sure they are. I'm awarding them for making a lot of loot. They're gonna help us all make loot. Now scram, Ax Man. I gotta e-mail Scarlett Johansen. You know she's up for a part in Iron Man 2? That's gonna be sweet. Then I gotta upload some pics on Facebook. Busy day, man, busy day. Hey, on your way out, could you turn up the heat a little bit? I'm from Hawaii, you know. These DC springs, man, they are something."
"Sir, what about the visit by the Japanese Emperor?"
"What about it? Go give him some chopsticks or something. I got things to do. Just let me know when the big goofy 'tard gets here, ok? Speilberg is coming in with the rough cut of Transformers 2 this afternoon. We can't get bogged down with the little stuff, you get me?"
Axelrod sighs. "Yes sir, I get you."
Monday, March 2, 2009
Stop Me If You've Heard This One
I guess it was another honest mistake.
No wonder Democrats love higher taxes-they aren't paying them.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
How To Spend A Trillion Dollars Without Really Trying
The laundry list of problems I have with it is, of course, about as long as our President is on promise (though it would be nice if he was longer on delivery...pretty short so far). It was cobbled together in a back room filled with ideological homogenity, made unsearchable by its opponents, and was provided to the lobbyists on K Street (remember the good old days of...2008...when lobbyists were bad people? Why, even the Golden Boy himself decried lobbyists!) before it was provided to the members of Congress...
And of course, the awesomeness of it being passed at the start of tax season.
Never mind, too, that its short on actually creating jobs (oh, wait, we've morphed that into "save or create jobs!" so that all of the 500 million people who are losing their jobs this month according to the Speaker can be grateful to the government). Never mind that its short on the promised infrastructure improvements, or the technological upgrades, and that welfare as we knew it is back, baby. But its ok, we're told: Something had to be done, and this is definitely something!
Then again, so is a big, steaming pile of cow dung.
You know, General Patton once said that a good plan executed right now is better than a great plan executed 15 minutes from now. I get the feeling that General Patton wouldn't have thought all those millions for a mouse was a good plan for saving jobs, however.
Hope and Change, people. You are the ones we've been waiting for. Blah blah blah. Anybody out there ever heard the phrase "buyer's remorse?" Look it up, Oh Followers of the One. As for me, I think I have said caveat emptor once or twice.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Congratulations Pittsburgh Steelers....
You get to meet Barack Obama!
Yeah, he wasn't president yet when you got to camp, or when you signed your contract. But despite the fact that you are paid well for playing a game (in fact, even the lowest paid member of the team makes more than Barry), and that you are living out your lifelong dream of playing in the NFL and being part of its best team, the real highlight of the long, grueling, 20-week NFL season is that sometime in the summer, you will get an audience with the One. Perhaps he will even shake your hand! Its enough to send a tingle up your leg a la Chris Matthews.
Thank you, SI.com, for giving us this great insight into the mental workings of a 10-year-old girl with her first crush.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Just in Case You Forgot:
Add Tom Daschle to the list:
Jeremiah Wright, Granma Dunham, Bill Ayers, Bernadine Dohrn, Trinity United Church of Christ, Bill Richardson, Nancy Killefer...the list goes on and on.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I Have Learned So Much Today
How do I know this? ESPN is covering the inauguration. As you know, Constant Readers, I just loooove when the Worldwide Brainwasher gets into the political arena. I love it as much as I love mixing wine with beer. Interviews abound!
But hey, everything is now ok. America is good again! You can wave a flag that's not upside down! Hollywood can once again make movies about how good Americans are! George Clooney can play a government operative who isn't a slimeball! The world loves us again! The president likes sports! HE'S JUST LIKE YOU AND ME!
(On the last one: Rome, you're a dummy. "How nice is it to have a president who is a sports fan in office?" Um, did you forget the years that GWB OWNED the Texas Rangers? How about Bill Clinton's numerous bits on your own network about his love for sports, especially pickup basketball? What about college baseball player George H. W. Bush? Or former college football players Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon, and John Kennedy? What about former All-American football player Gerald Ford? High school basketball star Jimmy Carter? How many presidents aren't sports fans? The fellatio has reached a new level of stupidity.)
Worship and adore him.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Oh Blago, You So Crazy
You gotta love it. Nothing like keeping the scandal on the front pages, Blago. A millstone around the neck of Barry Messiah, and now Harry Reid too, who pledged never to seat anyone appointed by Blago. The man sure knows how to put some bleeping people in their bleeping places.
Fight on Blago. Fight on.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Joe the Plumber Gets Stalked
But we shouldn't worry. Barry Messiah is a transformative figure according to the squishy cons who have endorsed him. Maybe they will be our section leaders when we're being reeducated.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Murtha Gets Comeuppance
To a nicer guy, it couldn't happen. I hope on election night the Haditha Marines get a good laugh at your expense. God knows because of you they've earned it.
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/road-to-the-white-house/787141/
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Since You Won't See It On CNN or MSNBC
John Galt is a character in an Ayn Rand novel.
The Obama campaign has been taking donations from people who don't exist, with fake addresses, but from the same credit card, in its online fundraising. Apparently they have disabled any and all security for this kind of thing on their website (this was the case earlier in the day).
How much of last months $150 million that he raked in will have to be sent back? How many people donated multiple times? Why is there no media investigation?
I can't answer the first two but the third is pretty obvious.
National Review has been all over this today. Check this out on NRO.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
From Confederate Yankee...
Democratic state senator and staunch Barack Obama supporter Hollis French of Alaska boasted in early September that he would provide an "October Surprise" which would upset the McCain-Palin campaign. Indeed, he originally planned to time it for October 31, four days before the election, for maximum impact, until
other legislators forced him to abandon that particular strategy.Today, however, in an episode of political theater that would make Josef Stalin blush, French gave it his very best shot: The investigator he hired and directed, Steve Branchflower, has labored mightily and given birth to a bloated and redundant 263-page report which boils down, for purposes of the ongoing presidential campaign, to two paragraphs that completely contradict one another. And the one of them that's unfavorable ignores the most important — indeed conclusive — evidence on point, but goes on to provide Branchflower's guess as to whether Gov. Palin has done anything improper.
Please understand this, if you take nothing else away from reading this post: The Branchflower Report is a series of guess and insupportable conclusions drawn by exactly one guy, and it hasn't been approved or adopted or endorsed by so much as a single sub-committee of the Alaska Legislature, much less any kind of commission, court, jury, or other proper adjudicatory body. It contains no new bombshells in terms of factual revelations. Rather, it's just Steve Branchflower's opinion — after being hired and directed by one of Gov. Palin's most vocal opponents and one of Alaska's staunchest Obama supporters — that he thinks Gov. Palin had, at worst, mixed motives for an action that even Branchflower admits she unquestionably had both (a) the complete right to perform and (b) other very good reasons to perform.
All that work, and they get this. At least they get a few headlines out of it.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
We Are Not A Cult, Currency Edition
http://www.birminghampost.net/birmingham-business/birmingham-business-news/business-entrepreneurship/2008/09/16/birmingham-firm-strikes-barack-obama-presidential-coin-65233-21832869/
Saturday, September 20, 2008
We Are Not a Cult, Spoiled Athlete Edition
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdyB0IEPAH0
Obama Camp: You Are Racist If You Vote McCain
There was the Kansas governor suggesting that. There was a poll out on MSN this morning which stated it. The Obama camp put out a Spanish-language ad saying McCain favored immigration restriction, which is laughable (sadly). Jack Cafferty of CNN says that the only explanation for opposition to the Messiah is racism. So did two Democratic reps in Ohio.
Yes, it can't be because Obama has no resume-forget experience, he's not ever done a great job at anything other than writing about his favorite subject, Barack Obama-or his connection with terrorists and various left-wing loonies, his underhanded Chicago background-getting his opponenets thrown off the ballot or having their private records unsealed-or because he speaks in vague self-help terms when he's not espousing outright socialism. It must be, has to be, racism.