George W. Bush just flipped the coin for the first game at the new Cowboys Stadium. How can this be? Barack Obama is the first president to like sports! I know this because ESPN has told me so! Surely, there can only be one explanation. Jerry Jones is racist.
Sarcasm meters on high, please.
Showing posts with label Dallas Cowboys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dallas Cowboys. Show all posts
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Put Them Out of Their Misery, Please
The Dallas Cowboys have imploded. This is not news to anyone. The fact of the matter is they have zero character and a locker room that is about as together as Yugoslavia. The fault lies squarely at the feet of one man.
Jerry Jones.
Now, you might say, "But Romo's a choker. Owens is a volitile prima donna. Pacman Jones is a criminal. Tank Johnson is a quitter. They have two Roy Williams and neither one was a factor all season. Wade Phillips is their coach."
Yeah. And who put all that together?
Look, Jerry Jones is the closest thing the NFL has to George Steinbrenner. He can't spend as wildly because of a salary cap. But he has to have his toys. So he picked up so many reclaimation projects that the folks in downtown Jackson are asking, "Can you take the King Edward and Standard Life buildings while you're at it?"
Jerry, like Steinbrenner, forgot where his championships came from. The Cowboys of the 1990s were built through the draft, with one big free agent signing (who ended up ruining the locker room), Deion Sanders. The Yankees last successful run wasn't with a bunch of big-name free agent signings, but with guys who were great team players. Really, let me ask you, who's the better third baseman, Charlie Hayes, Scott Brosius, or ARod? But Hayes and Brosius both have World Series rings. Is it any coincidence that when the owners demanded big, splashy signings instead of finding guys who fit, that these two franchises stopped winning championships?
The answer seems so obvious. How is it that two guys who have made billions can't see it?
Jerry Jones.
Now, you might say, "But Romo's a choker. Owens is a volitile prima donna. Pacman Jones is a criminal. Tank Johnson is a quitter. They have two Roy Williams and neither one was a factor all season. Wade Phillips is their coach."
Yeah. And who put all that together?
Look, Jerry Jones is the closest thing the NFL has to George Steinbrenner. He can't spend as wildly because of a salary cap. But he has to have his toys. So he picked up so many reclaimation projects that the folks in downtown Jackson are asking, "Can you take the King Edward and Standard Life buildings while you're at it?"
Jerry, like Steinbrenner, forgot where his championships came from. The Cowboys of the 1990s were built through the draft, with one big free agent signing (who ended up ruining the locker room), Deion Sanders. The Yankees last successful run wasn't with a bunch of big-name free agent signings, but with guys who were great team players. Really, let me ask you, who's the better third baseman, Charlie Hayes, Scott Brosius, or ARod? But Hayes and Brosius both have World Series rings. Is it any coincidence that when the owners demanded big, splashy signings instead of finding guys who fit, that these two franchises stopped winning championships?
The answer seems so obvious. How is it that two guys who have made billions can't see it?
Saturday, December 13, 2008
In Which I Am Shocked, Shocked I Tell You
Terrell Owens has problems with his quarterback.
No, really, I'm as surprised as you are.
It seems that the shy, meek, and laid-back wide reciever just can't catch a break. Tony Romo and Jason Whitten have conspired to keep Owens from catching the ball. Its gotten so bad (Whitten has 14 more catches than Owens!) that he and fellow recievers Patrick Crayton and Roy "Fantasy Disaster" Williams have gone to the offensive coordinator to demand more balls be thrown toward them. Never mind that Owens has had more passes thrown to him than Whitten and that he leads the league in drops over the past two years. Never mind that Crayton is at best a third reciever. Never mind that Roy Williams (not to be confused with "Pass Coverage Disaster" Roy Williams, his teammate) barely knows the playbook since being traded from Detroit. Romo and Whitten must be conspiring against them. After all, they're roommates on the road.
I can see the scene in the huddle now.
"Alright guys, I know we have an armband full of plays we've been practicing since July here on my wrist, but Jason and I are going to run a play we drew up in the hotel room last night. Simmer down, simmer down! Sure, none of you recievers or backs know where to go, and you linemen don't know who to block. Just do something. I gotta get the ball to Whitten. Don't you see how he looks at me when I get it to him?"
The only thing that surprises me is that it took so long for this to happen. First it was Jeff Garcia in San Francisco (hey, how'd you like Rick Mirer throwing gopher-killers? Me too. Shut up). Then it was Count Choke-ula himself, Donovan McNabb (Hey, see that guy over there? That's Koy Detmer. Yeah. That's whats up). Now its Tony Romo. Never mind that there were three games that the duo of Brad Johnson, Ancient Quarterback and Brooks Bollinger, Quarterback-Like Substance, were tossin' the old pigskin around. This is a national travesty. In fact, Owens needs Congress on this RIGHT NOW to make sure he can feed his family.
No, really, I'm as surprised as you are.
It seems that the shy, meek, and laid-back wide reciever just can't catch a break. Tony Romo and Jason Whitten have conspired to keep Owens from catching the ball. Its gotten so bad (Whitten has 14 more catches than Owens!) that he and fellow recievers Patrick Crayton and Roy "Fantasy Disaster" Williams have gone to the offensive coordinator to demand more balls be thrown toward them. Never mind that Owens has had more passes thrown to him than Whitten and that he leads the league in drops over the past two years. Never mind that Crayton is at best a third reciever. Never mind that Roy Williams (not to be confused with "Pass Coverage Disaster" Roy Williams, his teammate) barely knows the playbook since being traded from Detroit. Romo and Whitten must be conspiring against them. After all, they're roommates on the road.
I can see the scene in the huddle now.
"Alright guys, I know we have an armband full of plays we've been practicing since July here on my wrist, but Jason and I are going to run a play we drew up in the hotel room last night. Simmer down, simmer down! Sure, none of you recievers or backs know where to go, and you linemen don't know who to block. Just do something. I gotta get the ball to Whitten. Don't you see how he looks at me when I get it to him?"
The only thing that surprises me is that it took so long for this to happen. First it was Jeff Garcia in San Francisco (hey, how'd you like Rick Mirer throwing gopher-killers? Me too. Shut up). Then it was Count Choke-ula himself, Donovan McNabb (Hey, see that guy over there? That's Koy Detmer. Yeah. That's whats up). Now its Tony Romo. Never mind that there were three games that the duo of Brad Johnson, Ancient Quarterback and Brooks Bollinger, Quarterback-Like Substance, were tossin' the old pigskin around. This is a national travesty. In fact, Owens needs Congress on this RIGHT NOW to make sure he can feed his family.
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