The Things We Find on the Internet

So, at Mr. Franks' website, he's made some promises. Let's take a look, and keep in mind the record Mr. Franks has amassed (try not to laugh, those of you who have heard the repeated promise of re-paving Highway 363 for the last twelve years). "Jamie Will: Ensure seniors have access to affordable prescription drugs." There's this thing called the federal prescription drug benefit, Mr. Franks. You might have heard of it. There's also this thing called the free market economy. Follow along with me, in case you didn't take Economics at Mooreville High (you know, the place you once promised to burn down. Did you get the fire started when you kicked off your campaign there?): Demand goes up+supply remaining constant/going down=prices rise. You can no more make drugs cheaper than I can survive a fall off the Empire State building. I suppose your solution would start by placing more burdens on the companies producing prescription drugs, and since the state has no control over patent laws (you know that, right?) that means...c'mon, I see the hamster struggling to get the wheel turning...you'll only end up making 'scrips more expensive. I know, I know, you have the best of intentions. But, the road to hell is paved with good intentions (and, possibly, frozen lawyers). Guarantee safe nursing home care for our neediest seniors. Yeah, let's refer them to the Board of Health...oh, wait, those guys suck at their jobs. I guess a good staff and enforcing the law aren't prerequisites for hiring over there. Also, you've been in the legislature twelve years. In that time, you've promised every year to enact legislation to make it a more serious crime to assault a senior citizen. Is this a part of that, and, uh...why haven't you actually gotten that done, since you wield such a big stick in the House? End sweetheart deals and root out corruption in state government. Awesome. The beef guys must be quaking in their expensive boots. There's a guy over in the Eggville community whom you may have heard of (was his name Jerome Martinez or something like that?) who's also thrilled to hear of it. So, when are you taking office as State Auditor and Attorney General, Sheriff Franks? Cut Mississippi's grocery tax by 50% by increasing the tobacco tax. Haven't we already discussed the revenue decrease thing here? And how when you make something more expensive, people stop buying it? I'll go back to Econ 101 for you: When beef gets expensive, people buy chicken. Tax tobacco? People will chew gum, either with nicotine or without; they'll eat more; or they'll put on a patch. That's how it works. By the way, I thought you guys only wanted to tax cigarettes more, you know, because they're bad for more than one person? Isn't that how nanny-statism works, deciding what's best for other people? Be 100% Pro-life, 100% of the time Really. So, were you thrilled when your buddy Steve Holland basically said of Terry Schiavo, the deader the better? The state of Mississippi, to my knowledge, has one working abortion clinic, located in Jackson, and is only staffed two days a week by an abortionist who's flown in. This was on PBS; I believe on your local Comcast that's channel twelve. We've banned abortion symbolically (I'm sure you're going to claim credit for that one sooner or later). Are you going to hold a gun to John Paul Stevens' head to make him change his vote on Roe? Uphold Gun Rights. So, you're going to fight the Dems in Congress when they attempt to pass stricter gun bans, right? Or stop trial lawyers from suing gun manufacturers? Because I know you would always back your constituents over someone seeking to sue them or take away their rights. You guys at Itawamba County Schools and Mooreville One Stop, I hear you laughing in the background. Protect Marraige as a sacred vow between a man and a woman. Ummm...again, I don't wanna bring up bad memories of 2004 for you, but 89% of your fellow Mississippians took that out of your hands. The state had already banned homosexual marraige in code. Do you want to hit Hiroshima and Nagasaki one more time to make sure they get the message, too? I mean, other than the afforementioned hostage-taking at the Supreme Court, that's kind of out of your hands at this point, right? As a wiser man than me once said, this is a trave-sham-ockery (that means its a travesty, sham and mockery all put together, Mr. Franks). There's so much illogic and contradiction here that Oliver Stone couldn't follow it, and the Atlanta Braves don't try to cover all the bases as completely as this rube. And, to top it all off, we've heard over and over how he was instrumental in everything from Beethoven's Fifth, to the D-Day Invasion, to the Lord of the Rings movies, not to mention Toyota and whatnot. I keep expecting on the day that Barry Bonds hits 756 for you to want to outlaw steroids and claim you were one of the men who escorted Hank Aaron around the bases when he hit 715. You make my job so much easier, Mr. Franks. Were you less lazy, idiosyncratic and predictable, I would actually have to search for things to slam you on.