Saturday, December 13, 2008

In Which I Am Shocked, Shocked I Tell You

Terrell Owens has problems with his quarterback.

No, really, I'm as surprised as you are.

It seems that the shy, meek, and laid-back wide reciever just can't catch a break. Tony Romo and Jason Whitten have conspired to keep Owens from catching the ball. Its gotten so bad (Whitten has 14 more catches than Owens!) that he and fellow recievers Patrick Crayton and Roy "Fantasy Disaster" Williams have gone to the offensive coordinator to demand more balls be thrown toward them. Never mind that Owens has had more passes thrown to him than Whitten and that he leads the league in drops over the past two years. Never mind that Crayton is at best a third reciever. Never mind that Roy Williams (not to be confused with "Pass Coverage Disaster" Roy Williams, his teammate) barely knows the playbook since being traded from Detroit. Romo and Whitten must be conspiring against them. After all, they're roommates on the road.

I can see the scene in the huddle now.

"Alright guys, I know we have an armband full of plays we've been practicing since July here on my wrist, but Jason and I are going to run a play we drew up in the hotel room last night. Simmer down, simmer down! Sure, none of you recievers or backs know where to go, and you linemen don't know who to block. Just do something. I gotta get the ball to Whitten. Don't you see how he looks at me when I get it to him?"

The only thing that surprises me is that it took so long for this to happen. First it was Jeff Garcia in San Francisco (hey, how'd you like Rick Mirer throwing gopher-killers? Me too. Shut up). Then it was Count Choke-ula himself, Donovan McNabb (Hey, see that guy over there? That's Koy Detmer. Yeah. That's whats up). Now its Tony Romo. Never mind that there were three games that the duo of Brad Johnson, Ancient Quarterback and Brooks Bollinger, Quarterback-Like Substance, were tossin' the old pigskin around. This is a national travesty. In fact, Owens needs Congress on this RIGHT NOW to make sure he can feed his family.

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