A Hundred Million Dollars

"Geithy, we got a problem," the boss said.

"Sir, I'm aware of that. I've been working diligently toward fixing it. Of course, if I had a little more help..."

"Look, I'm getting to that. These e-mails to Jessica Beil aren't going to write themselves, you know," the boss replied. "There's all kinds of problems, though. Do you know about these Pirates?"

"Yes, sir, I have. Terrible situation, but our Seals sure fixed it, eh? Great call," Geithy retorted, smiling. The boss shook his head.

"They're back! I don't believe it! And do you know they took two out of three from the Braves this weekend! I don't even know what they took, but I won't stand for this! Do they have no decency?"

"Sir, I don't think we're talking about the same pirates. The ones you're talking about are in Pittsburgh..."

"They're in Pittsburgh! Oh my God! What are we gonna do? Pirates and those redneck clingers? This is going to be a disaster of epic proportions!"

"Sir, these Pirates play baseball. Not very well, you know."

"Nationalize the Yankees, then. We'll show them that nobody messes with this country, especially with the national pasttime! What'll that take?" The boss looks angry.

Geithy looks confused. "Sir, it would take...I don't know, a hundred million dollars just to pay Alex Rodriguez' salary. And he's just one..."

"Then you got it, Geithy. We're gonna show them. If it takes a hundred million, it takes a hundred million. Figure it out, huh?"