THE WHITE HOUSE-President Obama, Peace Be Upon Him, issued a statement from the South Lawn this morning on last night's nuclear attacks on Tel Aviv and Haifa, Israel, by Iran.
"We call on both sides for restraint at this time," the President said in a charismatic prepared statement. "The grievances of both sides must be respected. I call on the leaders of both Iran and any surviving Israeli citizens to refrain from any further violence. We can achieve so much if we simply come together, sit down and talk."
The Iranian government characterized the attacks as "responses to the continued Zionist aggressors and their enablers, the Great Satan, America." President Obama ruled out military action, stating, "the United States has done too much to exacerbate the situation in the Middle East." Indeed, the Iranian government promised to "reign destruction down upon the Great Satan."
It is doubtful that the American public would be in favor of such action in any case. With the nation wracked by high interest rates, gas rationing, and its military compassionately decreased, the US would be hard-pressed to militarily leverage the Iranian government.
President Obama seemed hopeful, however, for a peaceful resolution to the crisis. "I have spoken with President Achmedenijad," he said, recalling their late-2009 meeting in Tehran. "Just months ago he assured me that with the removal of our troops from Iraq, and their replacement with Iranian peacekeepers, that the Middle East would be an example of progress and change. The actions of the past twelve hours are inconsistent with those promises. Indeed, this is not the man I came to know last fall.
"I know that the last thing we'd need is to incite the Iranians into further violence. Think of what the situation would be like had we not scrapped our aggressive missile defense systems."