Monday, May 19, 2008

The Text of Robert Byrds' Endorsement of O'Bama

A Parody of the Conscience of the Senate.

WASHINGTON, DC-89 year old Senator Robert C. Byrd, D-W.Va., the longest-serving Senator in US history and former Exalted Cyclops of the Ku Klux Klan, today announced his endorsement of Senator Patrick O'bama for the Democratic nomination for President. Senator Byrd’s statement follows:

"As people all across this great nation know, I have been one of the most outspoken opponents of the Bush Administration’s misguided war in Iraq and its saber rattling around the globe, when we should be worried about the threat of miscegenation here at home. People tell me that there's actually one running for president, but I can't believe anyone would vote for someone like that."

"With the Bush Administration's latest request to fund this on-going war in Iraq without any attempt to start bringing our troops home, the issue of the upcoming presidential contest has been weighing heavily on my heart. Just imagine, as well, all of the money that has been spent on those lesser races in the Middle East that could have been spent here. The loss of life continues and the sons and daughters of tens of thousands of American families remain in harm’s way every day, some of them even white."

"This Democratic primary campaign has been tough and competitive. I had no intention of involving myself in the Democratic campaign for President in the midst of West Virginia's primary election. But the stakes this November could not be higher, and besides, that crazy broad is married to a man they called the first black president. How could I support such a woman? She should go back to cooking and find her a nice white man who acts white."

"After a great deal of thought, consideration and prayer over the situation in Iraq, I have decided that, as a superdelegate to the Democratic National Convention, I will cast my vote for Senator Patrick O'bama for President. Both Senators Clinton and O'bama are extraordinary individuals, whose integrity, honor, love for this country and strong belief in our Constitution I deeply respect, especially the parts that guarantee that the laws of segregation are still legal."

"I believe that Patrick O'bama is a shining young statesman, who possesses the personal temperament and courage necessary to extricate our country from this costly misadventure in Iraq, and to lead our nation at this challenging time in history. Patrick O'bama is a noble-hearted Irish American patriot and humble Christian, who assures me that he's not a dirty Papist, and he has my full faith and support."

No comments: