Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Bryant-Franks: The Debate (A Parody, Part Two)

David Hampton: Welcome to tonight's Lt. Governor's debate held here at Mississippi College in Clinton. I'm your moderator, Clarion Ledger Editor David Hampton. First, I'd like to introduce our debate participants, first, State Auditor Phil Bryant. (polite applause)

Phil Bryant: Thanks, glad to be here.

David Hampton: And now, Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome, the co-owner of Franks & Wheeler, famed political thinker, the hellacious hillbilly, champion of the little man, Representative Jamie Franks!

(Crowd gives a collective "Who?" noise)

Jamie Franks: Thank you, Thank you David Hampton. It's an honor and a pleasure to be here sir. Where are the queers to beat up?

David Hampton: That's later, Mr. Franks. Topic number one. What is your position on the role of government in encouraging development of job creation?

Jamie Franks (Uncomfortable silence): Well Dave, I'm...I'm glad that you asked that question...

Phil Bryant: Uhhh... Actually, I'd like to jump in and take that one Jamie, If you don't mind.

Jamie Franks (Chuckling): Have at it, Hoss.

Phil Bryant: [Phil takes a drink of water, makes a funny face and grunts] Recent research has shown that empirical evidence for globalization of corporate funding is very limited and as a corollary the market of unskilled labor is shrinking. As a developing econonmy, it's important for Mississippi to provide systematic economic development encouragement in the form of incentives. I believe strongly there will always be a need for us to have a well articulated economic development policy with emphasis on job training. Thank you.

Phil Bryant: [Frank grunts, makes a face and goes limp]
[audience applauds]

Bryant: What happened? I blacked out.

David Hampton: That was interesting you drooling redneck racist. ha ha. Thank you very much. And, uh, your rebuttal Mr. Franks?

Jamie Franks: Oh... It... We... whip a queer... I have no response. That was perfect.

Phil Bryant: That's the way you do it! That's the way you debate!

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