Davy's At It Again

Naturally, he had words for that mean old racist Haley Barbour on his blog today, regarding illegal immigration (you know, the kind where they break the law and stuff), but strangely, nothing for Eaves and Franks on their continued gay bashing.

Nice of Davy to take a week off during the Hood/Cowboys laugher, the Espy/Xavier endorsement, and the Great Debate Debate and not address anything but the Inate Racism of the People Who Disagree With Him.

Also, Davy thinks that curbing illegal immigration could hurt the economy. Yeah, because the inevitable tax increases that the tax swap will force upon us won't hurt a bit. And all those pesky right to work laws we have? We really don't need 'em.

Besides, the economy already sucks and we should elect John Edwards president to enact universal health care, right? Because we know that when that happens, all the illegals will just head back to Mexico instead of becoming free riders on the system.

Reality, meet Dave. Dave, reality.

Claim of the Day, October 1, 2007

"How does it make me a liberal when I've banned same-sex marriages in this state?"

This one is a true statement, by the way, from WDAM in Hattiesburg. Yes, he did it. By himself. The 89% of you who actually voted to do it? Didn't really count.

Oh, well, at least they labeled him from Tupelo. Saves the rest of us the embarrassment.

Bryant-Franks, the Debate

From the Franks for Lt. Governor Campaign, For Immediate Release

The rules have been set for the Lt. Governor debate between candidates Rep. Jamie Franks Jr. and State Auditor Phil Bryant. The debate will be held on the planet Vulcan. The format of the debate will be trial-by-combat in the traditional Vulcan manner.



When asked for his response to the format, candidate Franks responded, "I stand for traditional values just like my fellow working men and women. Phil Bryant is a queer and I'll whip his ass."

Bryant responded, "This is stupid. Who came up with these rules?"



Franks spokesman James Hull, when asked about the use of Vulcan rituals for a Lt. Governor's debate in Mississippi, stated, "Those fairies Jeremy Martin and Mark Duvall and Paul Gallo had no concept of it either. We sheathe it with rituals and customs shrouded in antiquity – you humans have no conception. It strips our minds from us; it brings a madness which rips away our veneer of civilization. It is the election–the time of debating... There are precedents in nature... the giant eel-birds of Regulus Five. Once each eleven years, they must return to the caverns where they hatched. On your Earth, the salmon. They must return to that one stream where they were born, to spawn – or die in trying."



To which Bryant responded, "That's gross. You mean he gets off on it?"



Mr. Franks replied, "This proves that he's just a gay blade who's a puppet of the even bigger gay blade, Haley Barbour. I had hoped I would be spared this, but the ancient drives are too strong. Eventually, they catch up with us... and we are driven by forces we cannot control – to return home, and take an office... or die."

Veteran columnist Bill Minor weighed in, noting that the reluctance of Bryant to debate "proved once again that Bryant has no substantive answer to Franks' platform-which is very strong in the areas of education, cigarette taxes, ritual combat, and the ass-whipping of queers, of which he is an expert without peer."



Clarion Ledger editor David Hampton added, "Jamie Franks is a well-funded candidate who hits many of the issues of import to working class Mississippians where Bryant is the weakest-most notably the issue of violent bloodsport."

The debate will occur whenever sissy-boy Phil Bryant stops cowering in fear from his well-deserved ass-whipping.

Claim of the Day, September 19, 2007

"I have banned homosexual marraige, twice, by myself. My next step is to ban homosexual adoption. After that, I'll make sure we ban homosexuals."

The Things We Find on the Internet

So, at Mr. Franks' website, he's made some promises. Let's take a look, and keep in mind the record Mr. Franks has amassed (try not to laugh, those of you who have heard the repeated promise of re-paving Highway 363 for the last twelve years). "Jamie Will: Ensure seniors have access to affordable prescription drugs." There's this thing called the federal prescription drug benefit, Mr. Franks. You might have heard of it. There's also this thing called the free market economy. Follow along with me, in case you didn't take Economics at Mooreville High (you know, the place you once promised to burn down. Did you get the fire started when you kicked off your campaign there?): Demand goes up+supply remaining constant/going down=prices rise. You can no more make drugs cheaper than I can survive a fall off the Empire State building. I suppose your solution would start by placing more burdens on the companies producing prescription drugs, and since the state has no control over patent laws (you know that, right?) that means...c'mon, I see the hamster struggling to get the wheel turning...you'll only end up making 'scrips more expensive. I know, I know, you have the best of intentions. But, the road to hell is paved with good intentions (and, possibly, frozen lawyers). Guarantee safe nursing home care for our neediest seniors. Yeah, let's refer them to the Board of Health...oh, wait, those guys suck at their jobs. I guess a good staff and enforcing the law aren't prerequisites for hiring over there. Also, you've been in the legislature twelve years. In that time, you've promised every year to enact legislation to make it a more serious crime to assault a senior citizen. Is this a part of that, and, uh...why haven't you actually gotten that done, since you wield such a big stick in the House? End sweetheart deals and root out corruption in state government. Awesome. The beef guys must be quaking in their expensive boots. There's a guy over in the Eggville community whom you may have heard of (was his name Jerome Martinez or something like that?) who's also thrilled to hear of it. So, when are you taking office as State Auditor and Attorney General, Sheriff Franks? Cut Mississippi's grocery tax by 50% by increasing the tobacco tax. Haven't we already discussed the revenue decrease thing here? And how when you make something more expensive, people stop buying it? I'll go back to Econ 101 for you: When beef gets expensive, people buy chicken. Tax tobacco? People will chew gum, either with nicotine or without; they'll eat more; or they'll put on a patch. That's how it works. By the way, I thought you guys only wanted to tax cigarettes more, you know, because they're bad for more than one person? Isn't that how nanny-statism works, deciding what's best for other people? Be 100% Pro-life, 100% of the time Really. So, were you thrilled when your buddy Steve Holland basically said of Terry Schiavo, the deader the better? The state of Mississippi, to my knowledge, has one working abortion clinic, located in Jackson, and is only staffed two days a week by an abortionist who's flown in. This was on PBS; I believe on your local Comcast that's channel twelve. We've banned abortion symbolically (I'm sure you're going to claim credit for that one sooner or later). Are you going to hold a gun to John Paul Stevens' head to make him change his vote on Roe? Uphold Gun Rights. So, you're going to fight the Dems in Congress when they attempt to pass stricter gun bans, right? Or stop trial lawyers from suing gun manufacturers? Because I know you would always back your constituents over someone seeking to sue them or take away their rights. You guys at Itawamba County Schools and Mooreville One Stop, I hear you laughing in the background. Protect Marraige as a sacred vow between a man and a woman. Ummm...again, I don't wanna bring up bad memories of 2004 for you, but 89% of your fellow Mississippians took that out of your hands. The state had already banned homosexual marraige in code. Do you want to hit Hiroshima and Nagasaki one more time to make sure they get the message, too? I mean, other than the afforementioned hostage-taking at the Supreme Court, that's kind of out of your hands at this point, right? As a wiser man than me once said, this is a trave-sham-ockery (that means its a travesty, sham and mockery all put together, Mr. Franks). There's so much illogic and contradiction here that Oliver Stone couldn't follow it, and the Atlanta Braves don't try to cover all the bases as completely as this rube. And, to top it all off, we've heard over and over how he was instrumental in everything from Beethoven's Fifth, to the D-Day Invasion, to the Lord of the Rings movies, not to mention Toyota and whatnot. I keep expecting on the day that Barry Bonds hits 756 for you to want to outlaw steroids and claim you were one of the men who escorted Hank Aaron around the bases when he hit 715. You make my job so much easier, Mr. Franks. Were you less lazy, idiosyncratic and predictable, I would actually have to search for things to slam you on.

A Bit from Jacinto

So much to blog on, so little time....

First off, as the header suggests, Jacinto. The annual event at the old county seat of Tishomingo County was held over last week, and our favorite poster boy for bingo money and frivolous lawsuits was present and speaking. Of course, this is a Tank exclusive; the media in this state avoid directly listening to Mr. Franks as much as they can. One can only reflexively vote and support people only so long, especially after hearing the exact same stump speech for twelve years. You'd think a man who's a multi-millionare could afford to pay someone to write a new gimmick for him, but you'd be wrong.

Apparently, shockingly to most of us who know him, Mr. Franks is not an attorney, who got his JD at Mississippi College, and practiced for a time with Shelton & Associates in Tupelo. No, this is wrong. He certainly doesn't practice law with good buddy Bill Wheeler at Wheeler & Franks. Mr. Franks is a horticulturalist, owner of his own lawnmowing business. This comes as a shock to anyone who's been served on his behalf (I'm looking at you, Osama). Of course, his claim to being a professional lawn mower might be countered by a few doctors in Tupelo who are still awaiting lawn work from 1993. No wonder he opposes tort reform-otherwise, those doctors would have time to file paperwork on him instead of worrying about malpractice suits.

Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia.

Second: Mr. Franks opposes Gay Marraige, and wants to ban it. I guess someone should have told him that the state's constitution has banned it since 2004, when it was voted in with huge popular support (around 80%). I guess if I were a Democrat, I'd try to block out 2004 as well. Of course, he supported banning it in state statute for years prior to the ammendment; just ask him, he was instrumental in getting the ban passed into the state code. That's right: He wants to ban Gay Marraige for a third time. I'm against it as well, but I don't think we need to ban it a third time. Seems counterproductive to me. Of course, if we were talking about banning marraige between illegal immigrants for a third time, the JSU professors and the Clarion-Ledger might think we were bigots.

Third: Apparently, unbeknownst to all of us, there was a humungoloid change in the Mississippi Constitution when Haley Barbour took office in 2004. It seems that Devil Haley Barbour made people vote for him and his unconstitutional constitution in the 2003 elections. Little did we know that this constitution would make him an ironclad dictator, his political will unchallenged throughout the state, akin to Huey Long with a penchant for walking. Why, he's forced the legislature to declare the Teddy Bear the state toy. What kind of monster is he? I suppose that's the reason we need an independent (read: Someone who'll take his orders from Billy, Steve, and JP without complaining) Lt. Governor.

Of course, last I checked, his appointive power was limited, and the legislature still had most of the power in the arrangement outlined in our Constitution (you know, the one that we've had since 1891). The governor of this state is only as strong as he is popular, and that's the problem Franks has with Barbour. Heck, you'd think he was running against the governor as much as he talks about him. I suppose it's easier to run against Haley than run on your accomplishments. Like...um...the car tag thing...and....uh...banning gay marraige...and...spending $14 million on an election for a flag....and...uh....uh....