Sunday, August 3, 2008

Welcome Back, Jamie

How I have missed dissecting your uninformed, unoriginal rants.

After my first two weeks as chairman of the Mississippi Democratic Party, it's never been more obvious to me that we are on the brink of a major political shift in our country and our state.

I guess that's why your party's presidential Messiah, I mean, candidate, is hemmoraging poll numbers and Congress-that would be the Congress run by Nan From San Fran and Dingy Harry-having an approval rating in the single digits.

From Gov. Haley Barbour's insistence on funding Medicaid by taxing the sick...

You mean in the exact same way it did during your 12 years sitting on the back row making phone calls? skyrocketing gasoline and food prices that have strained family budgets, people all over this state have had enough. Mississippi voters want change.

Um, yeah...your party decided to walk instead of vote on drilling last week. And your party is the one that came up with the ethanol mandates that have been largely responsible for food prices going up. Or did you forget the Carter administration? I would too if I were you.

They are fed up with business-as-usual in Washington and politicians who promise one thing but do something else.

Just like Snidely Whiplash? Just like the promise to end the war in Iraq you guys ran on...and then promptly forgot? Just when you were in the legislature? Once again, are you forgetting who runs Congress these days?

And they are tired of the same, old, worn-out Republican rhetoric that has done nothing to solve our problems.

Like keeping taxes low and actually funding the military, as opposed to spending it on whatever bottomless pit, socially-destructive program you guys fancy this week? Maybe like appointing judges who actually interpret the law instead of making it up on the fly?

Voters are embracing our Democratic Party candidates for one chief reason: They offer specific, common-sense solutions to current and age-old problems that have held us back.

Or, it could be the combination of a dozen Republican missteps, a complicit media, and you guys running as "Republican Lite" everywhere you'd been losing for 30 years.

Our party's candidates and officials support providing adequate health care, including a Medicaid program funded by a tax on cigarettes and not on sick people.

In other words, you're dooming the program, since you can't do both. And I thought taxing cigarettes was going to make up for a food tax cut? Hey, whatever happened to that? I guess you guys are going to stick us with...gasp!...a tax increase without the swap.

We support fully funding education because children are our future.

Whitney Houston called. She wants her song back.

By the way, I support not paying Johnny Green a hefty consultant fee and giving him a Lee County Schools car. You know, like the one he was driving around Tupelo in last week.

We support reducing our dependence on foreign oil.

By making sure nobody can afford to drive, judging by the lack of movement by you guys on drilling. Your presidential candidate and your Congressional leaders think the combustion engine is the greatest threat to the planet, or did you sleep through the meetings like you did twelve indistinguished years in the legislature?

Presidential race: Our party's annual fundraiser, the Jefferson Jackson Hamer Day Dinner on March 6 in Canton, drew more than 2,000 people. It was headlined by former presidential candidate and U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton.

Who, by the way, will not be on your party's ticket. I'm sure your candidate will appeal to all of us bitter, clingy people, and not to a more...narrow constituency.

March primary: A record 434,110 people - including thousands of new voters - cast ballots in the March 11 Democratic Party primary, which was fueled by a competitive race between Clinton and U.S. Sen. Barack Obama.

Don't thank us, thank Operation: Chaos and Supreme Commander El Rushbo.

House race: Democrat Travis Childers won the 1st Congressional District U.S. House seat in Northeast Mississippi in a May 13 special election runoff, giving our party control of a seat Republican Roger Wicker held since 1995 and overwhelmingly won in 2006.

You can send your thanks there to Greg Davis Campaign, Clueless, MS.

Senate race: Former Democratic Gov. Ronnie Musgrove is in a prime position of winning the U.S. Senate seat held by former Sen. Trent Lott. Polls show Musgrove is either ahead or in a statistical tie with interim U.S. Sen. Roger Wicker.

Really? The last poll didn't look as good for the former governor...who, by the way, has NEVER carried a majority of the vote in any statewide race in his career.

My hope and vision for the Mississippi Democratic Party are based on a set of simple, yet important, values my parents instilled in me while I grew up in the rural community of Mooreville in the northeast part of our state.

These values include billing people for work I never did; making myself as much money as possible; suing a school district I represented, a store right down the road from me, and the amvets; trying to buy people with Bingo money; engaging in some of the dirtiest campaigning ever seen in Mississippi; and threatening to whip the ass or destroy anyone who gets in the way.

My parents worked long and hard for the last 47 years at the Day-Brite lighting factory. They taught me the value of a hard-earned dollar and an honest day's work. They taught me honesty. And they taught me to be true to my beliefs.

This is what we refer to as double-speak: Saying something while meaning something completely different. Those dollars, I'm sure, have been a lot more hard-earned since tort reform-which, remember, you voted to kill.

Those values have shaped my life and who I am today. In fact, I'm a Democrat because the Mississippi Democratic Party, our party's candidates and our party's officeholders also believe and practice those same values.

Sure they are. They just keep on gettin' fooled by those crooks who keep giving them money.

And that's what this year's elections are all about: Mississippi voters want people who will serve in public office with a sense of purpose; with honesty, integrity and dignity; and with their head in the right place and not their hands lining their pockets.

Which is obviously why they rejected you last year, since your 'purpose' since you were 14 has been to increase the wealth of one Jamie Franks Jr. And getting honesty advice from you is like getting a physics lesson from a squirrel.

Our Democratic Party candidates and officeholders are honest, hard-working, sincere people. Each has a solid track record of dedicated, public service.

Even the ones who keep getting involved in those scandals? Even the ones who just 'happen' to come up with ideas that lose us $55 million?

Simply put: We want to make sure everyone everywhere in this state and this nation, regardless of their economic or social background, has an equal opportunity to succeed. And we want you to join us in our fight to do just that.

And if a few of of you happen to get filthy, stinking rich, hey, that's the cost of doing business.

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