Today, Travis Childers had a Hot Pocket for lunch. His press secretary stated that it was a four-cheese Lean Pocket. "The Congressman wants to keep his waistline at a manageable width," Terry Cassereino replied. He complimented the lean pocket with a single-sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. He washed the meal down with a Diet Coke. "The Congressman really doesn't care that much for Coke Zero, though he appreciates their marketing campaign." Following the meal, Congressman Childers briefly visited the men's room. He made sure that he washed his hands thoroughly and with soap.
A Parody (Though judging by Hampton and the Daily Journal, not for much longer).